Bad Parenting at its Finest

in #ulog2 years ago

Today I was a great example of horrible parenting.

My son, who is not quite old enough to go to kindergarten has been going to school since July.

There is a boy in his class, who he insists on playing with, who hits him.

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Bild von Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke auf Pixabay

How do I know?

I get the "ouch" reports from the teacher.

We will be talking to his parents about it

Your son did the correct thing and removed himself from the situation

We will be talking to his parents about it

Your son did what we have instructed him to do, and told the teachers

We will be talking to his parents about it

I recognize that I only get the reports when there are visible marks, and or tears. My son keeps doing the "right thing" but is still getting hit.

Bild von Andrew Martin auf Pixabay

Once the teacher explained that they had both been playing rough...

I talked to my son. Several times. I asked him know to play elsewhere.

But he follows me, and he's my friend

I talked to my son. I told him to protect his body.

I covered my face and he still hit my arms

I talked to my son. I told him to use his his words, and firmly tell the kid to leave him alone.

I don't like yelling

I explained that a firm voice and yelling are different.

That did not work

Last week, my son came home with another red cheek. The boy had hit him again. The teacher gave me the report, along with the usual reminder that the other boy is not so mature, not so good with using his words, and that they would be taking to his parents. She also stated that she was proud of my son for how he handled the situation.

Bild von Andrew Martin auf Pixabay

That's when I had the stern talking to with my son

"Now boy" I told him. "This is not the first, or fifth time that this happens. This keeps happening an you must put a stop to it."

I then went on to tell him that if he got hit again, he needed to hit the boy back hard like if he meant it.

It is obvious to me that talking to his parents makes no difference. Plus, my son needs to recognize that teachers won't always be able to solve his problems.

I also told him that I got another "ouch report" from his teachers, and found out that my son cried, instead of hitting the boy back hard than I was gonna go straight home and spank him.

I don't spank my kids, but I figured he would be more scared of his mama whooping his butt, than he would be scared of hitting a kid his own size back.

My son looked at me a little bit nutty, but asked a few questions.

I went on to tell him that he would not be getting in trouble at home if he hit this boy back, that he would only be in trouble if he let the boy hit him again.

But he's bigger than me!

"I don't care." I told him. "You hit him, punch him, kick him, bite him, ream him with your head, whatever you need to do, but don't let this boy hit you anymore."

But what if I get in trouble?

As long as you don't tell your teacher that I told you to hit him back, you will not be in trouble at home. In fact, I will buy you a Happy Meal.

Today I bought my son a Happy Meal

Bild von Clker-Free-Vector-Images auf Pixabay

The kid threw dirt. My son threw dirt back. The kid hit him with a (toy, plastic) shovel. My son used his head and reamed it straight into the kids' stomach. The kid went to play somewhere else.

I am sure it is not the last time my son gets hit. But I will be making sure it is the last time his cries, and expects someone else to do something about it.

I realize I may have consequences down the line.

I am not sure that was the right answer, but I sure was tired of those ouchie reports.



My Mother taught me never to start a fight, but never to allow someone to pick on me. If someone hit me then I was to hit them back twice as hard to make sure they didn't think about doing it again.

Number 7

Well said you are a great mom!
My granny said brutal reign in the world.
My father said to me: I give you the choice... you go outside and beat up that lid or I beat the crap out of you! He told me where to jit so it hurts the most.
With my (5) children I learned teachers will never punish the bully! They expect your kid to ignore, do nothing back but this won't get over only get worse.
One teacher said the class was a bad one and shrugged his shoulders.
I do not like my children to be threatened, bullied, molested nor want them.always be "the wisest" and ignore.
If you do not learn your child to set borders, defend itself it will be bullied for the rest of its life.
I told that lazy scary teacher that came up with all kind of excuses he had a choice. He would teach that nasty kid a lesson or I would take my baseball bat and do it instead!
This wasn't the first or last teacher I corrected if it comes to their behavior. It's the reason teacher are fine if I skip those 10-minute useless school chats with them, why I can stay home and they know if I show up at school they better be aware.
And that's why I am a great mom. I believe and know my children, I fight for them if needed and I allow them to be the great person they are and to defend themselves and hit back.
My children know you better hide if you manage to make me mad and I know you better not make them angry either. It's dangerous to keep crossing people's borders no matter their age. Better make them defend themselves now instead of pushing them off the cliff or make them grab a machinegun and shoot.

Teaching your kids the right thing isn't always that easy - there is no manual on how to raise kids and when teachers don't really intervene there is sometimes no other solution :)

It's been a month now. Any more "ouch reports" involving that boy?

Nope. I started getting reports of fights instead....

School has been out because of covid-19, so no more of that...

I don't think there is a good solution. For a primary school boy, you can be bullied or a bully yourself or both. Intentional violence is a meme. It spreads like a virus among the school children. It only takes one to have had it and then it spreads. I can offer you sympathy in this, but I would much rather you prove me wrong. Please tell me I am wrong. ;)

On the other hand, there is the expectation for intentional violence that now your child may feel and incidental pushing may seem like attacks when they are not. Deescalation without capitulation is important. Getting him into groups outside of school is great idea.

It seems to calm down in adolescence for the most part. Maybe that is an early parental instinct kicking in or something.

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