ULOG 30: ulog-resolutions Freewrite Day 347 Remote

My son @bxlphabet is remote from me now. He has been for many years. First emotionally, and now in distance. I haven’t heard a word from him in over a month and have no way to reach him. He's got me blocked any place I would try. The last time I did hear from him, he was as angry as he has ever been and I did not respond in a way to make anything better.

The photo in my poster is one I took a few years ago. This is just days after I lost the home he grew up in. I was living in a terrible place for a month and this is at the trolley stop while he was leaving late at night. It was a place of high crime where you heard guns and sirens at any given time. He couldn't believe this was where I had landed, and was scared for his now-thin mom again. I was just glad I had a roof over my head as many did not in this place.

His red hair was looking green in the strange light and I caught him as he turned his head. This photo looks just like him nonetheless.

My obesity and poor health during his youth caused the ptsd my son suffers with today. This is the biggest regret of my life. I try to help other parents get healthy while their kids are young so that they never have to face what we are going through. My pleas fall on deaf ears for the most part as parents tell me they have no time, energy, or money to fix their health. They are too busy with the day to day needs of raising their children and will get to it later.

Then I talk to some of those kids and hear the same dreadful worry my son had. “What if my mom dies? What will happen to me?” But they don’t tell their parent their fears as they try to be strong. The cycle repeats and I feel helpless.

I dust myself off and try again each day. My resolution comes back strong every time I open my eyes to greet another day. I may have failed in my own life and that of my son’s. But maybe my example will help someone; even if I never know it did.

My post is for the #freewrite daily challenge by @mariannewest. Freewrite is a great way to post on steemit when you do not think you have the time, or talent, or anything to say. I know you can do this too! Here is Marianne’s freewrite prompt post for today. Give it a try and surprise yourself.

You may not think you can ever lose weight . I am proof that you can. Ask me and I help help you lose weight naturally too.