ULOG #3: My heart's little persistence

My little guy

It's been a little over 6 months now. I've never thought I'd be able to still nurse this long. Truth is, breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. It's been a bittersweet time for me this far as I enjoy my time with my second child, yet sometimes I grieve a little for the times I could have spent with my first born. With my first born, she was supplementing and direct latching before she decided that she didn't want the breast anymore once she started solids at 6 months.

My little girl

It's crazy how we as mothers beat ourselves up so much for the things we can't control, I remember crying a lot because I felt like an utter failure for not being able to fully nurse my daughter. As a young parent there was so much shame whenever people asked me if she was breastfed. What's crazier was the fact that no matter what you do there will always be people judging you by your actions while they judge themselves kindly by their intentions.

Since then, I've learnt to let people talk to my hand.

Time and time again my husband and I would remind each other that we are not going to feed on people's expectations at the expense of our children's health and well-being just because it doesn't fit into their definition of child-rearing. Our babies are happy and healthy, and that's what matters. And we don't say this out of spite or ignorance.

Being a parent is hard enough, so instead of adding misery into the menu, I'd rather we add more cheese.

Now that my little guy has started his solids journey, I have also started supplementing him with a bottle or two. I would pump when I can, but because he nurses on demand, I don't get much chance to do so. I'm just glad that I have gotten myself the Hakka silicone pump, it has saved quite a bit of let downs the past many months.

My little guy isn't big in size, and even after trying my hands on supplementing him a couple of bottles of formula milk in an attempt to up his weigh the past month, which by the way was suggested by the doctor, his weight was still consistently low. Usually babies would go up in weight approximately 1KG per month, but he has only been going up half a KG a month for the past two months continuously. The only part that was on normal percentile was his head circumference. To make up for my shaken heart, I joked with the doctor saying that all the milk must have gone to his head.

Whatever it is, as long as he's healthy, happy and well fed, we are not too worried. Now that he loves food, I have some new problems. What to feed him, and what to make him poop.

O the wonders of parenthood!

To all parents young and old, bless you knowing that you have what it takes to parent your child. May God grant you peace and wisdom, as well as daily grace and ever growing love. Cheers to you, remember that you are never alone in this lovely journey. It is tough being a parent, but it is also an honor to steward such precious lives. Much love to all.

art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics


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