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RE: Ulog: No Yelling, No Spanking
This is a great message to send. I agree that there are certain ways to discipline a child and abuse is one of those things that sticks with a person for the rest of their lives. My parents were always the type to hand out spanking if we were bad, but a few times I remember catching a swift backhand from mom or a belt lashing from my very southern father.
I have never had to spank my kids, thankfully, but their mom has plenty of times in the past. They are now at the age where I really don't have to do much for them to listen to me because they are pretty well behaved.
I myself dealt with belts and such as kids, but since everyone around me was getting them too, they didn't seem to bother me much.
I do know people who were raised in communities where everyone around them wasn't dealing with that and they do have a lot of pent up anger against their parents for it.
It is very sad.
Spanking was not such a difficult task for me to stop (I never really started anyway) but the yelling definitely is a challenge.
However, even my five year old is learning to calm down in school, so I simply:
Smell the flower
Blow out the candle.
It is impressive how much lighter and happier my kids are now that I conciously shut myself up when I can feel the yells coming on.
It is better for everyone.
But I do find myself having to give more consequences (like no electronics for a day - that is waaaaaay more effective than me losing it)
Thank you for your comment and I am sorry that your children had to deal with their mom being physical. Hopefully through your example, they will learn different and your grandchildren will be spared.