Meister's journey: Chapter 6: The thing about religion...
In the first weeks of my stay there wasn‘t a fire ceremony. So between getting the three yellow stripes and the red dot on the forehead and the next mandatory event, namely the ceremony in the temple, were more than two hours. Upside: It gave me time to recover from Man Singh‘s early-morning abuse. The temple ceremony wasn‘t at all what I expected or hoped for. No introduction, no guided meditation but instead a religion-like worhip of Babaji.
There it was again. Religion...
I had been trying to connect with my jewish roots for a while. However I never managed to establish even a remotely satisfactory connection with the jewish religion. God knows I tried. I even went to Israel to find out if I would find my jewish identity in the Holy Land. It was almost ten years ago I remember. I joined a group that traveled across Israel. Everything was paid for by an organization called „Taglit Birthright“. The general idea of the organization was to give every jew a free 10-day trip through Israel in case he or she hadn‘t been in Israel before. It all sounds very nice and I grabbed the chance of being brought up as one of the „chosen people“. I soon figured out that it was all about brainwashing you into emigrating to Israel since it appeared to be „the duty of a jew to live in the Holy Land“ mainly through the means of patriotic songs, free booze and girls. I wasn‘t impressed. Not even the visit to the Western Wall brought me closer to God.
I simply couldn‘t identify with the idea of Judaism. Being part of a small minority that considers itself superior to the entire rest of the world? It felt wrong. And to be part of that exclusive group you wouldn‘t even need to believe in anything of the teachings, it would suffice to deliver a proof of a jewish bloodline via your mother‘s roots. Sounds like racism to me…
And then there‘s the undeniable fact that religion served as the most prominent, influential and wide-spread justification for war, rape and torture throughout the ages. Just this plane fact, so I thought, alienated me from religion for ever.
Consequently I witnessed the following with utter suspicion: The priest (or in hindi the pujari) conducted a ritual to call the spirit of Babaji. You got to join this calling ritual by ringing one of the many bells either inside or outside of the temple. Each bell had its own sound. Especially when there were five people or more this would make a hell of a noise. It also served the purpose of indicating to the other inhabitants of our little village who weren‘t present yet that it was time to go to the temple. After the calling of Babaji‘s spirit to the temple the pujari would take some of the blessed water and sprinkled it over each participant. The chanting started and it was a custom to then bow before the Babaji figure (a so called murti) and to bow before his former throne-like seat where you could even touch the sandals he used to wear.
Authority and me
The touching of a guru‘s feet is a common thing. Sometimes you even see devotees kissing a guru‘s feet. It isn‘t as much about displaying his superiority as it is about your own exercise in humility. Still, although there wasn‘t even a guru sitting there in flesh and blood I felt a certain kind of resistance. I always had my issues with authority and bowing is maybe the extremest gesture of subjugation. However I knew that this was an important part in order to let go of the shackles of my ego.
So, in the beginning still very reluctantly I went down on my knees to acknowledge the spirit of Babaji and to ask him for help. Sometimes I would spend maybe half a minute on my knees bowing in front of the Murti begging the spirit to assist me in my enterprise of losing my ego, losing my fear and experiencing the full spectrum that spirituality has to offer.
I thought: „Something brought you here so you might as well dedicate yourself completely to everything that has to do with the Babaji Ashram.“
Also in this sense: no more compromises.
Home
Participation was a very important aspect of the Ashram experience. Michelle even went as far as to kick out a russian guy who was, in her eyes, being too passive during the ceremony. Hearing about the russian‘s fate who to me seemed like a lovely chap gave me an uncomfortable tickling sensation in my crotch region. As I found out that‘s the place of the lowest chakras connected to the survival instinct and the sensation of fear. It motivated me but in the mean time I was afraid I wouldn‘t be good enough for Babaji.
Some songs were about Babaji and his better known divine version Shiva and other songs were dedicated to Haidakhan as a special and holy place. However all of them were sung in hindi or even sanskrit. I gave all of my energy and dedication learning the songs and singing along with the others. And very soon I started to like it. Singing after all is the language of the soul. So hardly knowing what the hell I was singing about I sang with all of my heart and passion, most of the times way louder than all of the others who had been followers of Babaji for their entire lives. Every sound I made was one more proof of my commitment and one step closer to achieving the connection I aimed to establish.
One morning I started singing along and it suddenly hit me. I was crying. I didn‘t know what went on. The tears were running down my cheek. I felt this amazing feeling of relief and gratefulness at the same time. Salty water kept on pouring out of my eyes and I simply couldn‘t stop it. But then again, I didn‘t want to stop it. I bowed overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. After all these years of doubting myself and whether there would even be a place for me, after all this searching it seemed like I had finally reached my place.
For the first time in my life I knew: I am home.
And it all turns into a comedy
The time I spent in the temple was one filled with frustrating moments as well. Once I had learnt one version of a song the new people would suddenly change the melody completely. Dammit, I thought I knew that song!
Besides it was hard enough to sit through the one-hour-ceremony. In the classic yogi position with the crossed legs on the floor I felt a constant pain in my back. Singing the devotional songs only distracted me so much from my backache.
I asked Babaji for another favour:
„Dude, while you‘re at it removing my ego and my fears, could you please also rid me of my back pain?“
I felt silly thinking to myself: „Jeeeeesus! Who are you even talking too??? Your imaginary friend?“
I sighed loudly.
I learnt these religions songs and then some new guy simply changes the melody completely!
My back is freeeeaaaking killing me!
And these morons around me have no feeling for rhythm and obviously sing out of tune!
Seriously, all the four people around me sing in a different key! How hard can it be?!! You guys give me ear-cancer!!!
When you feel so annoyed that you develop a nervous twitch in your face you know you better calm down quick. I soon realized it was my ego talking. Although I didn‘t believe in my own words at that particular instance I told myself: „This is all meant to be. Your suffering is a lesson. Learning how to deal with all the negative things in an equanimous way will make you invincible.“
It is funny how you start believing in things if you only repeat them often enough.
Through time I did learn to cope with and accept other people‘s flaws. With a certain emotional distance and the absence of identification with one‘s negative thoughts, everything turns into a comedy. After some weeks in the Ashram I mostly enjoyed the lack of rhythm, the occasional complete absence of musical talent, and other character traits that previously annoyed me.
Often I would burst out laughing during the ceremony thinking: „Chaim, you were so silly! Remember how this all pissed you off so much?“
To the previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: https://steemit.com/blog/@meister/meister-s-journey-chapter-1
Chapter 3: https://steemit.com/travel/@meister/meister-s-journey-chapter-3-karma-yoga-and-the-scorpion-incident
Chapter 4: https://steemit.com/travel/@meister/meister-s-journey-chapter-4-i-bow-to-thee-babaji
Chapter 5: https://steemit.com/travel/@meister/meister-s-journey-chapter-5-about-chandan-and-a-hurt-old-man