DON'T LOOK LIKE SUCH A TOURIST… EXPERIENCE NEW YORK LIKE A LOCAL!

“There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?” -- Woody Allen

(never-ever, dress like this…)

THE TOURIST TRAP

Even though New York has changed quite a bit in the last few decades.., the one thing that has remained the same is -- people love to come here… Tourism is off the charts.., and as one semi-famous Broadway star said the other night, in a bar in my neighborhood, after having one too many -- "They're like fuckin' cockroaches, they're everywhere - I can't walk down the fuckin' street" (pretty harsh)!

And although, me and just about every other NY'er feel the same way about the throngs of, I Love New York Sweatshirt wearing strangers that invade our city on daily basis -- I do.., sometimes, feel for those fish outta water -- wandering around, head tilting up, blinded by all the bright lights -- looking for Times Square or some other awful tourist trap.., that exists for no other reason than to overcharge you for everything. Even Elmo or some other psycho dressed as a Disney character are trying to shake you down.

(That's Elmo being busted for spewing anti-Semitic rhetoric in the middle of Times Square.)(I SAID -- That's Elmo being busted for spewing anti-Semitic rhetoric… Welcome to NY)

Look, it's okay to be a tourist… As a matter of fact, the one thing that sucks about being from NYC, is that you never had the chance to come here and experience it for the first time… There's some really cool shit to see here, that is touristy, like the 9/11 Memorial (just don't eat at the restaurant up top, I think they charge you $35 a person just to get in the elevator), the museums, galleries -- you just gotta do it -- I get it.

But you don't have to act like a total noob the whole time you're here… And you certainly don't have to put up with Elmo trying to strong-arm you out of a sawbuck ($10 bill). Who knows how far you traveled, you deserve better than a $17 below average hamburger from the Hard Rock Cafe.., better than establishments that offer nothing but mass produced garbage, charge top dollar for it.., and can't get you out the door fast enough to make room for the next sucker -- in a city that still does so many things, so well… So, if you must see Times Square, get in, take your photos and get the hell out -- fast!

So, instead of that extremely overpriced pile of crap you get served in some of the cities "finest" tourist traps.., Im gonna turn you onto a few spots, joints, dives and more.., an actual New Yorker might visit if they feel like stepping' out, or to grab a bite to eat… Places that have stood the test of time.., and for decades have continued to produced the goods -- places so loved by the locals, they rarely speak about them… New Yorkers cherish these off the map spots, a chance to get away from the xxx and hang out with their own -- plus, you never know who might run into, in a real New York joint…

EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY… Like A Local

I know everyone raves about the burger at Shake Shack.., but I just don't get it -- it's okay, but those lines are insane.., and, you probably won't find too many real NY'ers willing to put up with that nonsense. Not when there are spots to grab a burger, that would bring any burger lover to their knees.., that reek of character, history and charm -- no lines, either.

I don't spend too much time on the upper east side.., but when I dated a girl up there, the best thing about dating her was -- she lived down the street from JG Melon.., no doubt one of the best burgers in town (for years)… Frequented for decades by the likes of -- Mayor Bloomberg, any of the Kennedy's (as in JKF), Grace freakin' Kelly, Sarah Jessica Parker, much of the Yankees. For some reason, once you step inside this weathered bar (it is a bar, not a restaurant), you immediately feel like you just stepped into a classic NYC novel (weird I know -- but very cool). I won't describe the burger, except to say -- it doesn't disappoint. Even NY chef Bobby Flay (an upper east sider) contends it is the best in town. Get a cheeseburger, don't forget the fries.., and the Bloody Bull (Bloody Mary w/beef broth).., and I can't imagine you won't be the happiest camper back at the hotel. later.

The next place Im going to suggest..,is definitely no joint -- and has been on of my favorites for years.., and they have a burger, that they serve at the bar only -- and they only serve 12 per night. This elusive burger is an entire experience.., that is if you are lucky enough to blessed, to be one of the 12 people that are graced with the privilege… Raoul's is a classic Soho bistro that has been around since the 1970's.., and was (still is) a low key celebrity hangout… It was not uncommon to grab a seat at the bar next to John Belushi, Robert De Niro, Johnny Depp, Quentin Tarantino and the list goes on -- and while this burger is more on the gourmet end of things -- it will knock your socks off.

OH CRAP! I forgot to mention the duck fat fries -- YUM!!!

TIP: Starting last year, they started to serve this burger at brunch… They make about 25-30 so get there early.

SIDE NOTE:
While you're in the neighborhood, swing by another old classic Fanelli's Cafe on Prince St for a Bloody Mary -- mixology, schmixology.., Fanelli's has been mixing up the best bloody mary in town, long before Soho was Soho…

The next burger.., and one of the last quintessential village bars still standing, has wowed this town since the 1960's.., cheap food (but quality), cheap drinks (hard to find in NYC these days).., and damn good people. Now add the fact.., that they were the first "best burger" to be listed on everyone's best burger lists, when best burger lists started -- did you follow that… The Corner Bistro has been a staple and go-to joint for real NY'ers and just about every celebrity you can think of in NYC -- Carly Simon, Eugene O'Neill, Alec Baldwin, Keanu Reeves, Ethan Hawke.., craving a burger, but not just any burger -- the best burger. And in true NY fashion it is open until 4am (another rarity these days). The burger, the booze, the people -- can't beat that!

SIDE NOTE:
There's nothing like a good coffee after a meal, so head a tad east down 4th St to Cafe Reggio… With all the coffee snobs and soulless chains, Cafe Reggio has been whipping up pretty damn tasty cappuccino's since 1927, with a vibe all its own.

TIP:
Your date doesn't eat meat.., no problem -- the grilled cheese is done to perfection!

PERSONAL NOTE:
After running around on a rather chilly day in the West Village, it had started to rain.., and when I looked up, right there on the corner, was the Corner Bistro -- perfect… It was around 3:30 pm which is a great time to avoid the rush (late afternoon or late at night are the best times).., and just as I thought the place was pretty empty. The bar is in an L-shape, there was a guy at each end of the bar and one or two tables of customers… I headed right for the middle of the bar, I was still cold (that damp cold) so I ordered a beer and a whisky neat, before I even got my jacket off I finished the whisky and as I placed the empty glass on the bar, I hear -- "I think that young man could use another whisky, put it on my tab…" I look up to see who is buying me a drink -- and it's AL PACINO! For the next 30-40 minutes I sat and had a normal conversation with none another than Al Pacino, about the weather, the City, the cute blonde chick at one of the tables -- it was a blast.

What so many celebrities love about these classic NY spots.., is nobody gives a shit you they are, including the establishment -- they are treated just like you, me… Besides the amazing food (best burgers), the reason so many of the cities famous, not just frequent these places, they are a refuge for them -- away from all the critiquing eyes, calls for autographs… plus, getting your ass kissed all the time, believe it or not, can get old and annoying. And sometimes they just want to be like any another NY'er…


Stay Tuned For The Next Edition.., where I'll turn you onto some of the cooler, low key dives, bars and places to go wet your whistle on some quality cocktails.., or an old school egg-cream. Hit these joints the next time your in town.., and experience New York like a local.


P.S..,
And to all you tourists visiting or planning to visit New York City… Eat, Drink and Be Merry -- BUT LOOK WHERE YOU'RE FUCKIN' GOING!!!


JG MELON
1291 3rd Ave (74th St)
212-744-0585
11:30am -- 3:00am

RAOUL'S
180 Prince St (b/t Thompson St & Sullivan St)
212-966-3518
5:30pm -- 1:00am (brunch weekends)

FANELLI'S CAFE
94 Prince St (b/t Greene St & Mercer St)
212-226-9412
10:00am -- 1:30am (4am Fri, Sat)

CORNER BISTRO
331 W 4th St (b/t Jane St & 12th St)
212-242-9502
11:30am -- 4:00am

CAFE REGGIO
119 MacDougal St (W.3rd St)
212-475-9557
9:00am -- 3:00am


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