RE: How to Set Your Rental Car on Fire – The Conclusion
This is the BEST! So you asked for my input. Here it is:
LIKES:
- The first subtitle about torching the car being easier than you think. And you don't even have to try. That was funny.
- The tinted window bit culminating in: "The windows on this car weren't tinted."
- The fact that the photos were original--and also really beautiful
- Stalagtite--really great description
- It's alright, that's why we buy INSURANCE!
- I TOTALLY related to the 2km V. how many kilometers have we driven?
TIPS:
I think you should actually elaborate on the 2km part a bit. I've experienced that, and so has every other south-american traveler. So it's fun to relive. And for those that haven't, it's worth a little more explaining. I think anyway. Keep it simple, though. That seems to be your style, and it works.
The humor is not lost. You don't need to explain it. So with the tinted windows, delete the part that says, "Or were they? No – no they certainly were not,” I distinctly remembered." We get that was your thought process. Explaining it takes away from it.
Same with "They were gone, but I’ll never forget them." Delete the rest of that paragraph. It takes away from the wit. We get it. You can trust your readers are smart. And if they're not, and they don't get it, that's their problem.
Awesome read! I'm sure we'll keep in touch.
Thanks for the input. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Re: Your TIPS...
When writing it, I thought it would be too repetitive. I was also concerned about the overall length. But you're probably right. I could have written more about that and still kept it interesting.
I have a really bad habit of feeling a need to explain things because most people I interact with don't seem to understand my humor. It's a problem with real life that I unfortunately transfer to my writing. I'll work on that.
I appreciate the feedback. There's plenty more to write about, so I look forward to future critiques. Thanks!