Internalized Sexism and Traveling Alone

Traveling as a single, young, American woman in Mexico:

Before leaving on a 6-week sola adventure to Oaxaca, Mexico, I was bombarded with a variety of opinions from others regarding my life choices. Many were supportive, “That’s so courageous; you’re never going to want to come back!” And many were doubtful, “Are you sure that’s safe? I’m going to be worried sick about you! Make sure you call your mother immediately when you arrive!” After returning in one piece, someone greeted me eagerly by stating, “Wow, I can’t believe you’re alive!”
This post isn’t about my wild and riveting adventure - we all have exciting travel stories, even sometimes on the way to the grocery store – this post is about the responses and perceptions of others and how they impact our views of ourselves and others.

The overwhelming majority of people who were supportive of me, ie. those who told me to follow my heart, travel, escape the monotony of life that I was depressingly stuck in (leaving a 5 year relationship and work in the mental health field), were older women. They were women who had conquered their own challenges, showed strength, character, and resilience in the world; broken free from the boxes society and they themselves had created – they were women (mostly therapists) who believed in my strength and ability to survive, alone, completamente sola.

These women (a work supervisor, my individual therapist, and a professional a mentor) were the individuals who convinced me that I would be okay. That while I am alone, a woman, single, and visibly different than the locals (5’10”, 177 cm – y tan blanca) I am enough to care for myself and thrive. While this may seem like a small belief that should be obvious to any adult who pays rent and doesn’t live on their parents’ income, the impact of societal beliefs regarding women and our inability to physically, emotionally, and financially fend for ourselves, continues to pervade our everyday language. The simple reaction of, “Oh my god! You’re going alone?!?” rapidly and immediately sent a message slightly invalidating my ability to survive by myself – adding truth to the unhealthy belief I’ve held about myself for years.

I was stopped by the TSA agent in the US because he couldn’t wrap his head around why I would be alone, without a partner, in Mexico. These messages also imply deep and profoundly hurtful generalizations about the Mexican people as dangerous, untrustworthy, and unsafe – this is hella problematic, people!

These questions began to become comical to me – I realized they were not inherently about my ability, but rather judgments and projections of other people’s fears and beliefs (coupled with my own, of course). Once I was able to reconcile this, it stopped hurting and started becoming a clear example of internalized and externalized sexism and the belief that women are inherently and overly dependent on others – when in reality, humans are social creatures and we all thrive based on our connections with each other.

I also am fully aware that I hold the identity of a white, privileged, educated woman, which makes independent travel accessible, possible, and even (often) encouraged to me. I cannot imagine or speak to the experiences of WOCs (women of color) and the sexism coupled with racism they face while independently traveling.

Also note: Why do we act like other countries (i.e. Mexico) are so much more dangerous than ours? Innocent black people are killed daily in our country (USA).

While being rational and logical about your travel choices is necessary to being safe (for every and all genders), why assume an entire country is full of death and gun violence, when the population is over 125 million?

*Week of celebrating the benefits of breastfeeding in Santiago de Apoala, Mexico.