Control over life's keys

in thoughts •  3 months ago 

Today I am feeling pretty broken as the treatment has well and truly kicked in and my head isn't working well. Meh, life goes on - I still have things to do. I always find it interesting when there are people who have to be in the mood to perform even though what is required is a near constant performance. It is impossible to be "in the mood" all the time, especially if what needs to be done isn't the most interesting or fun thing to do.

Sometimes it isn't possible to get what needs to be done actually done though, regardless of the mood. I have found that even if I feel like drawing for example, it doesn't mean what I draw flows out onto the paper in the way I want it to form, and the same can be said for the words I write. Sometimes I have exactly what I want to say held in my head, but once the writing starts it just doesn't click together. I don't care so much about this though as I like to observe how my mind operates. Generally okay, sometimes brilliantly, sometimes like it is stock in a peat bog.

What often happens is that my brain and body tries to avoid the situation, looks for distraction, something to take the mind of of the failure and search for escape. In this day and age, there is always escape possible, another video to watch, an article to read, the latest scandal or blowup on Twitter. Always something to spend time doing other than what needs to be done. This can fast become a habit and with it always available at the fingertips, it is easy, cheap and compelling. No wonder so many people are not happy with their position in life when most of life is spent not working on position.

Instead of escape, I find solace in the silence and over the last few years, a clearing of the mind as I hear the keyboard taps beneath my own fingertips. Some use theirs to scroll through a feed of the mundane and inane as consumers, I spend mind feeling like I am creating something of value. Even if it is just in my own mind, there is value to be found. Even as I consume the words of others and place a small vote upon their work, it is an act of creation, value generation, support. And it can all be done in silence, while my mind churns through the swamp.

To have self-control, one has to know one's self and that means understanding how one works. But how do you understand how you work if you spend much of the time avoiding work itself, looking to escape whenever not in the mood strikes? What do you know a out yourself if you only know how you perform when conditions are considered good enough to move?

There are many ways to go in this life, but we have just one life to lead. The Question is whether the way we choose creates the life, or is it life that is choosing the way for us. What do you think, do you have a choice to do other than you do, or are you completely devoid of control?

You hold your keys.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

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I hope you feel better soon. It's strange in life how things get worse on the way to getting better.

It's always true. You have to tear up a lot to build.
Tear up the road to build a better one.
Get sicker to feel better.
...

Things always get worse before they get better.

I think that logic means that after 2.5 years of Steem illness things are going to become extremely good here. I think the tearing down that needs to happen is going to be painful at a global level.

My crappy feeling will pass soon enough and it will be back to normal for the next 7 weeks :)

Yeah, what she said <3 <3

@Tipu curate
I am sorry that you are having a rough day. My MS causes me to have far too many of those days, but I'm with you. It is not an excuse to not continue living the best life I can. Life goes on and so many people are struggling with challenges far greater than mine.

Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 10/15)

MS is not easy to live with by any measure. We all have the same opportunity to do the best we can with what we have, we all have different benefits and burdens. Some do better than others, some do it with bitterness, others with grace.

What often happens is that my brain and body tries to avoid the situation,

Hm yeah this happens to me all the time because of my shoulder injury. I haven't been programming for 3 months because of it... really annoying.

Also, I get on Steem and burn time like I used to do way back on the day on Facebook. Not the best outcome... at least I get paid for it :D

Here's to hoping for a cheap cure to all ailments.
Unfortunately we all know the establishment doesn't do cheap :(

"coding shoulder" - the injury of nerds ;D

It is much easier to pick up old habits than build new and the insidious side of it is that they integrate back into life and feel so natural they go unnoticed.

Unfortunately we all know the establishment doesn't do cheap :(

Gotta break up the establishment. Something that I have been thinking about a lot lately is what happens to the Superpowers when the currencies of the world shift, as all they will have going for them is as consumers and their military. That is more than disruption.

It becomes obvious that they will use the military much more aggressively to maintain power. Lots of crypto is going to get stolen. Lots of fiat is going to get devalued (debt slavery forced on citizens) to acquire more crypto "legitimately".

Not gonna be pretty, especially for me... living in a country that spends more on military than all the others combined.

Get well soon Taraz <3 Glad you find your keyboard to be comforting in times like these, doesn't feel like a wasted day at all if your recovery process is making a few 'bucks' ;-)

Thanks :*

Definitely not a wasted day and for me the compounding effects that culminate in earning some Steem on top is pretty valuable :)