Today I am feeling pretty broken as the treatment has well and truly kicked in and my head isn't working well. Meh, life goes on - I still have things to do. I always find it interesting when there are people who have to be in the mood to perform even though what is required is a near constant performance. It is impossible to be "in the mood" all the time, especially if what needs to be done isn't the most interesting or fun thing to do.
Sometimes it isn't possible to get what needs to be done actually done though, regardless of the mood. I have found that even if I feel like drawing for example, it doesn't mean what I draw flows out onto the paper in the way I want it to form, and the same can be said for the words I write. Sometimes I have exactly what I want to say held in my head, but once the writing starts it just doesn't click together. I don't care so much about this though as I like to observe how my mind operates. Generally okay, sometimes brilliantly, sometimes like it is stock in a peat bog.
What often happens is that my brain and body tries to avoid the situation, looks for distraction, something to take the mind of of the failure and search for escape. In this day and age, there is always escape possible, another video to watch, an article to read, the latest scandal or blowup on Twitter. Always something to spend time doing other than what needs to be done. This can fast become a habit and with it always available at the fingertips, it is easy, cheap and compelling. No wonder so many people are not happy with their position in life when most of life is spent not working on position.
Instead of escape, I find solace in the silence and over the last few years, a clearing of the mind as I hear the keyboard taps beneath my own fingertips. Some use theirs to scroll through a feed of the mundane and inane as consumers, I spend mind feeling like I am creating something of value. Even if it is just in my own mind, there is value to be found. Even as I consume the words of others and place a small vote upon their work, it is an act of creation, value generation, support. And it can all be done in silence, while my mind churns through the swamp.
To have self-control, one has to know one's self and that means understanding how one works. But how do you understand how you work if you spend much of the time avoiding work itself, looking to escape whenever not in the mood strikes? What do you know a out yourself if you only know how you perform when conditions are considered good enough to move?
There are many ways to go in this life, but we have just one life to lead. The Question is whether the way we choose creates the life, or is it life that is choosing the way for us. What do you think, do you have a choice to do other than you do, or are you completely devoid of control?
You hold your keys.
[ a Steem original ]