On the subject of civilizing you ... do you remember what you were like when I found you? When I took you in and fed you? When I got you off the streets? Or is the trauma of that time lost forever? (For that alone, I deserve a parade.)

As for teaching you to type ... that's not how it went. You promised to learn to type. There is a difference. I'm still waiting. (And while I'm waiting ... that parade I mentioned would be nice. Take a hint, ok? Like you didn't on my birthday.)