Not sure how I ended up here -bad search parameters- however, since I'm here, if you like tough love, read on:
You say that your sister had it good growing up, but I assume that you are talking about material wealth.
Actually, I'm going to stick my neck out here and say that I know that you are talking from a materialistic view point, and that you haven't considered what type of emotional support she received as a child, because certain facts about rearing children are as immutable as a ball always rolling down a slope.
Basically, all children raised without unconditional love, and unable to fulfill the set conditions to feel loved, will make bad life choices -like your sister. I would bet my soul, on the fact, that the only difference between you and your sister is that you accidentally fulfilled the conditions needed to feel loved by your parents, via genetics or sex or maybe by simply being born first or last.
How can I tell that the love you received wasn't unconditional either? Well, the way you talk about your family, and in particular your sister! I mean, you literally have a need to raise your own status, in your eyes, by comparing yourself with someone who is struggling so monumentally with life.
Seriously, emotionally your sister is a child, and if you need to compare your success against her, then you too must be, emotionally, a child.
If you seriously want to help her, then go and find her, and talk to her without pointing out all her weakness and flaws. She already knows that she's a piece of shit, her primary carers told her this, directly or indirectly since the day she could crawl, so you basically aren't helping at all: you are merely rubbing salt into her wounds.
So, why are you compelled to do this? To try to help by making things worse.
Because you are the exact opposite of her, and yet you are exactly the same.
If you understood unconditional love, you would never act superior to her, ever. You would never parade all your perceived strengths and attributes, that are the complete opposite of her perceived weaknesses, because you would know that in another time and place, with different parents, she would be the golden child, and you would be the piece of shit, and that knowledge, instilled from childhood, would have made you incapable of making adult decisions.
Deep down, you know that it was an accident that you fulfilled all the requisite conditions to feel loved by your primary carers, and that is why you need to be reminded, probably on a daily basis, that you are great, and when you need a real confidence booster, you find your sister, or write a post about her. If you truly understood that you deserve love, and are worthy of love, then you wouldn't do this!
So, if you truly want to heal your sister, go and ask for her forgiveness.
I believe you misread well over half the post and feel you have some unsettled issues of your own. Interesting opinions though. Thanks for stopping in!
#snapcomment
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I misread nothing. My advice to you, especially if you have children, is to research the cause of low self-esteem, narcissism, and the effects on children of having/not having unconditional love. Otherwise there is a strong chance that one of your children will end up like your sister.
I'm happily married and have a beautiful, well-adjusted adult daughter, who chose an awesome boyfriend, aced all her exams, is an accomplished musician and a singer song writer. She's a credit to herself and to the way I raised her with unconditional love.
As a teen she told me that she loved me every day, because she would recognise negative traits in her class mates, that she'd had as a child, but that I had kindly, but repeatedly pointed out, until she stopped. The result is that she is kind, compassionate and has amazing leadership skills, but she does not require constant validation i.e.people to tell her how amazing she is, and agree with everything she says and does.
My advice is freely given, take it or leave it. Keep responding to your sister in the same old way, that doesn't work! And pretend that you are a perfect hero and your sister is useless.
Everyone in the comments agrees with you, so your views must be right, and the one dissenter, well, I know nothing about her, but she must have issues - right?
Not everyone responds the same way to the same treatments. We're all individuals and what works for one, doesn't always work for another.
So, if you know that then why keep responding to your sister like you are the hero and she is so less than?
Anyway, your sister isn't a sociopath, so she would eventually respond to unconditional love, if you could gain her trust. That is what we are talking about here.
What never changes is the core reasons why people behave in a certain ways, so I can say with certainty that your sister makes life plans with abusive people because she believes that she deserves no better.
Where did she come up with the belief that she is so undeserving? The answer is always that it was implanted there when she was a child, mostly by adults.
Child psychology isn't rocket science, and people can change with the right input to change their preconceptions, but if you keep clinging to black and white beliefs like: you're the successful child and she's the failure then, of course, nothing will change.
Of course, changing how you see her also means changing how you see yourself. The question is: are you willing to do that to help your sister and her kids, or do you enjoy your hero status way too much?