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RE: Terrors from the Subconscious
Coming through the phone, a black tongue licked at the sweat that had pooled in his ear from the long sprint down the cities sidewalk toward the cave, even tickling the tips of his ear hairs.
That was great touch.
I am left with so many questions. A great action-packed snippet but I would hae love to have the mythology behind this tale unpacked a little more. Also some levels would have been nice. It was all go-go and I think a little contrast would have made the go-go more effective.
You do have a way with action:)
Thanks for the tip. That part of the writing has been difficult for me. I will be working on your suggestions.
More details dialogue is one way to go. Also set the scene first and then begin the narrative. Have your character do things in everyday life that tells us more about him. Just some suggestions.
If you're willing and you are an editor, I'd love to set up put this piece into google docs and work on making this piece better than it is. I'm willing to get us SBI for your time. If this interests you, send me your email here or PM through discord under tristancarax.
Alas ... so busy right now. But I can recommend the website writerscafe. They often have writers who are looking for exchange type things. It was a great place to do some workshopping back in the day:)