Immortality | Comedy Open Mic Round 28
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Xerog walked over the dead sentry and stood in front of the altar. He sheathed his sword as he paused to relish the view before him. It had been seven months since he began this quest. He approached the altar and was about to reach for the golden box when he felt a tingling sensation between his legs. It must have been the water he drank at the Gorum River. He looked around, seeking a place to relive himself. There was ghoulish scribbling on all sides of the small temple. He decided against peeing against the wall lest he risked the ire of the spirits.
He walked to the golden box, opened it and smiled. There it was, the last step between him and immortality. He picked it up and admired its feel. It was supposedly crafted by the Artemis, the beautiful goddess. He admired its feel and plucked gently at one of the strings. He felt the sensation in his lower region increase. He needed to be fast.
He lifted the sacred violin to his left shoulder and sought a key. “Fuck!” He muttered to himself. He could feel little moisture against his shaft. He feared he was losing control. He steadied himself and struck a tune. He only needed to play the sacred song long enough for the Eye-stunning spirit to appear. Eye-stunning… that was how the ancient scrolls described her. He imagined her with very large boobs that would trigger the blood to fill all the veins in his body.
He began to play the tune as well as he could, each note syncing with the rush of wind into the temple. He felt it was working and increased his tempo. That was the cue his bladder needed and he felt hot liquid slowly seep into his breeches. “Damn” he cursed. There was no way he would let the spirit see him in that state. He pressed his legs together, hoping to squeeze his shaft by the tip, forcing a dam.
As he played, he saw the figure of a being appeared in the middle of a small whirlpool. He felt blood rush to his shaft in anticipation. He continued at the violin, his eyes expectant to see a beautiful blond spirit with large boobs. He almost stopped playing when the spirit finally appeared. It was beyond his wildest dreams. In the spurn of the moment, the only thing he could utter was “Fuck!”
The spirit had the form of a woman, her face comely with large beautiful eyes. She had a small mouth with a slightly bigger lower lip. Her boobs were round and firm, lecherous in their look and enticing to touch. He lost control as his shaft suddenly escaped from between his legs and he felt liquid well up in his breeches. He wasn’t sure what came out, perhaps it was a combination of the two possible liquids.
The spirit stepped out of the whirlpool and Xerog lost the will to play. Between the legs of the ghoulish vixen was a sight he never expected. It was an extra member, full-bloodied and erect. The Spirit was a shemale? He asked himself in surprise. It happened faster than he could anticipate. The Spirit released whitish sticky fluid all over him like water rushing from a broken dam. “Fuck” he cursed as he dropped the violin, shut his eyes and covered his face. When he opened them, he was in the center of the village.
He saw his hut and noticed the footwear outside. Semera, his mistress was waiting for him inside. No one believed he would return alive from his quest for immortality; no one but Semera. She had urged him to go, to fulfill his dreams. He walked closer and heard soft moans through the door. In his anger, he charged at the door and found himself inside. There, in the center of his bed, was Semera and his Das, his best friend. Das who had always wanted Semera. Das and his 5 inches shaft was making Semera moan loudly than he ever did.
He drew his sword and charge at them. Das used to be Xerog’s superior in swordplay but anymore. He was now immortal; nothing could hurt him, he could feel no pain. He was almost panicked when his sword swished at them and yet they continued as if nothing had happened. He dropped his sword and reach for Das’ neck with his hands. His hands simply passed through as if nothing was there. It was then he noticed the door was still closed.
Entry for Tell A Story Contest
I nominate @jo5h and @akintunde to cheer up a bit and tell us something funny
Thanks for using the girlsfoundation tag as one of your tags. Don't forget to follow @girlsfoundation.
You can also vote @drakos as witness
Hi iamthegray,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
Wow. that was twisted and amazing! poor guy pissed his own mortality away.
I have had a few amusing entries this round, but this was really funny. The continued humorous inserts manage to add to the plot. It has the feeling of almost a pantomime, with the main thread of story, then asides to the audience on how badly he needs a pee. Very well put together, thank you!