Drongo's Guide to Christmas *Language Warning*

So I was down the pub the other night and Cheryl was up on the bar hanging some Christmas decorations. Right as I was getting a prime view up Cheryls skirt, this young Arab guy came and introduced himself as Mustafa and asked what she was doing. Sarcastically I repied "giving me one hell of a boner" but he insisted he had no idea what these decorations were for and wanted to be a good new Australian. Who am I to deny a recently arrived immigrant with a good solid Aussie education.

So I start telling Mustafa, "see back in about 1932 the Aussie government was looking for a way to get people to spend some money. They were wandering back through Musgrave park in Brisbane when they found this fat old drunk called Nick. The pollies thought he looked awesome so they offered him a job. Old Nick told them to bugger off as he was trying to get laid. The old guy kept yelling out Ho Ho Ho. The pollies knew that they were on to a winner. So the cracked him over the head and dragged him back to parliament house. "

Here Mustafa interrupted and asked "Is that Saint Nick? "

I shot him some stink eye and continued "Yeah mate, the old guy was originally from St Kilda and refused to get rid of his old Saints jacket, so we started calling him Saint Nick. So once Nick sobered up they got to work formulating this new day. Nick insisted his 2 strict conditions were that he wanted kids to sit on his lap, and he wanted to get laid. See it turned out that old Saint Nick was a bit of a pedophile so to keep him in line they got a couple of midgets to act as his minders. But that led to him yelling of Ho Ho Ho to all the mothers that walked past."

Mustafa once again interupted and told me that it doesn't sound like anything we should be celebrating.

I looked at him again and told him "Mate, shut the fuck up I'm telling a story here"
But anyway we continued.

"So the first Christmas was a huge success, and after a few years the people of Australia pushed to have Christmas twice a year. The greedy people wanted more and more. Then eventually the Australian government decided that enough was enough and had to set up a whole department just to look after Christmas. This department mate is called Centrelink. See every week we can bitch and moan and jolly old Saint Nick sends us money to keep us happy. Then every 4 years we vote to either keep the current Saint Nick or get a new one that's going to give us even more money"

Mustafa's eyes were wide open with joy, he could understand now why we celebrated Christmas here in Australia and wished that they had it back where he came from. Mustafa thanked me and ran off to the local Centrelink office to make sure that Santa Claus started visiting him as well.

After young Mustafa left, Cheryl came back over shaking her head and smiled "Fucken dopey prick, here have a drink you earnt that one"