[TATTOO JOURNAL ENTRY #1] FIRST PAYOUT, A NEW TATTOO

Hello Steemit!

My first payout came up two weeks after I started using this platform. The moment I got my first payout, the very first thing that came into my mind was a "new tattoo".

I'm definitely gonna have a new tat. A week after the payout, I finally had it done.

It may not be as fancy and as excellent as I expected, I'm still proud of this new buddy. Getting this done right between my chests was a real struggle. Though I already have a piece in my upper chest, the struggle I had with this one was almost exactly the same. I almost collapsed twice and I had to tell my homie, the artist, to have indefinite breaks along the entire session because my pain tolerance wasn't enough to handle that much pain. I palpitated twice and cold sweats came out thrice.

I felt really weird when I was fainting. It was like my whole body compressed and then expanded simultaneously. I even had to lay down by the bed and clench my fists really strong. I remember telling my self not to pass out as much as possible.

"don't fvcking faint!!!"

After almost a minute, I finally regained strength and found a way to stand the pain. The trick is to try not to focus on the pain. Try to think of other things or maybe have conversations with the artist or bring a friend that you can talk to.

Giving up and resuming the session some other day never came into my mind. Before we started, I convicted to never be a wuss again. I told myself I have to endure this pain to become a better man. I have to suffer through and commit to the pain to be stronger. I have to finish what I've started.

I succeeded. I conquered the pain and from that day on, "I AM A STRONGER MAN.

To me, having tattoos is a portrayal of my convictions and commitments. Having in mind that these tattoos will be with me up to the grave. These are the fragments of the person that I am today. A better man. At least that's what I want to be in any case though.

This design is a combination of my values and beliefs. The chain-like, circle-like outline is the mandelbrot set of fractal geometry. At the center-top is a question mark. The pentagram has 1s and zeros of binary logic. The symbol in the left is Pi, at the top is a question mark. At the right is the golden ratio. At the center are symbols for linear equations and at the bottom circle is the formula for rational functions.

With this, I am convicting that mathematics and logic are sacred. The pentagram signifies that I value the "darkness" as much as I do with the "light". The question mark is for skepticism. Also, that I value esoteric knowledge and that "math" and "logic" are some of the keys to unlocking the secrets of the universe. They're basically the some of the fundamentals of "reality" and "existence" for me. Pseudoscience, psychedelics, logic, math, occult science, and esotericism, these were the things that comprised my head when I was thinking for a new conceptual-tattoo. And this one says it all.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I do have a pentagram inked on my skin but that doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or a devil worshiper that believes in the sacrament of offering human sacrifices to the devil. That's just plain stupid. In communication studies and studies on semantics that I have come accross, I realized that "meanings" are merely created by its observers. Objects, symbols, and concepts do not really have meanings at all, it is our thoughts and certain cognitive activities give meanings to what we perceive.

"Perception is not reality. It's not what you see, it's what you feel" -American Satan (Movie)

It may not seem that much but I'm so proud of this one. The pain I suffered through led me in to new windows of perception.

A wise man once told me, "You don't get tattoos to make other people like it. You get them for yourself, and no one but yourself".

Thanks to that man, I am able to accept all the imperfections that my tattoos have and also the so-called "imperfections" that "we" perceive in general.

Thanks for reading, happy STEEMING everyone!