It's been windy and cold for weeks, and my anxiety's been so awful that it has pushed me to those black edges around depression. I have tried to fight back, but mostly have found myself crying or unable to find the will to do basic things like cooking dinner or tidying up. It's taken all my strength to go to work and put on my happy face. Steemit's been a kinda blessing - there's solace in writing, and I've loved the support I've been given here, as well as my darling honey who's wrapped me in love and made me endless cups of turmeric tea.

The herbs have also helped, plus magnesium and inositol. It's taken a few days to kick in but today I actually got up and made J. lunch and stripped the beds and tidied up before I even got out the door, which was a minor miracle and gave me the inkling things were changing. I spent a few hours with my folks, and as Dad slept in the sunshine in the loungeroom, Mum and I got out and weeded the garden under the blue sky, shimmering with the promise of Spring.

Low tide saw me on the beach at last. It's been windy for so long, and big swells, and it just hasn't been right to paddle out. I just ordered a new wetsuit and it arrived within 2 days - they're called NEED Essentials and because they have simplicity at their core, they have excluded all branding, marketing and packaging to keep the costs down so it was super cheap! And I was TOASTY in the water, even though it's freezing at this time of the year. The waves were tiny and few and far between, but the sun was out and the moon was rising, and there was a WHALE in the water! It's whale season here and the southern right whales are headed down to breed in Warnambool down the coast, so there's lots of them around. It's part of the reason I paddled out - the waves weren't particularly enticing.

However, it was so clean and clear and beautiful out there. Everything felt new again, and I could feel the joy in my heart, bubbling. The ocean has a way of dissolving everything around me so that all there is, is only sky and sun and water and cliffs and moon, and my beating heart, and breath. It was so nice to feel the motion of the wave under my board as I slid down the velvety surfaces of the waves.

I'm not sure I can get up at 4 am for the eclipse (you'll hear about it if I do), but it does sound tempting. It's the longest moon eclipse in a century, and is meant to be blood red, and Mars will be super bright too. Red moon, red planet. Perhaps it's the moon that's drawing me out of this time, into something new, lighter, fresher.

I return to red wine and a fire, and a feeling that things are looking up, for a while at least. Ah, life.

Update

No, I didn't wake up. Whilst for months, I've woken up at 4 am every single morning, and then some, last night I slept deeply all night, and didn't wake up til 6.30. The herbs in combination with saltwater clearly had got me at a deep, deep level. I've woken up with a spring in my step like the me I should be, and I'm pretty excited about that. So much life to live!

Here's the moon - as captured by someone, somewhere. Did you see it? Do you have photos to share? Photobomb my comments feed - fill me from top to toe with moonlight!!

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