As a kid I'd be awake in my bed at night listening to the huge winter swells roll in, feeling the magic of the sea drift through the starry night to my warm bed, calling me to her shores. Living only a kilometre away from Bells Beach, Victoria, meant the waves were loud and thunderous when they were big, and when dawn broke Dad'd drive me down to watch the surfers paddle out and brave their monstrous walls. At Winki Pop, the break just before Bells, the waves would sometimes be impossible to get through and surfers would be washed back down the beach, or come in with broken boards and bleeding heads, these men we admired as heroes of of the ocean.

Bells Beach, 1.55pm Wednesday - Photo Cred Dean Snow

The coast is busier now and the tourists drive past in campervans and buses to glimpse the beauty of this coast. At Easter the Rip Curl Pro brings thousands here. This swell coming though is a bit more personal for this town, as it's marking the memory of someone it lost. The 50 Year Storm Invitational has been keeping an eye on the building swell and the town is abuzz with whether this contest and paddle out will go ahead in honour of local surfer Shaun Brooks, who died in 2012 due to mental health issues. As I'm writing this the buzz too is on social media where everyone's debating whether tomorrow will be the day, and the organisers have given the green light for the morning. It's all unfolding on the internet whilst I sit here on my lunchbreak and long to see the big waves roll in, the cold saltwater on my face.

The 50 Year Storm is a cheeky reference to the '90's film 'Point Break', which at the time we loved to hate because it wasn't even filmed at Bells Beach - we don't have pine trees, a train station nor a pharmacist in close proximity to the break and felt it was an outrage that the film makers took so much licence with our local landscape. I guess with hindsight we see it more affectionately. In it, the character Bodhi prophesised a 50 year record swell would hit Bells, but it was actually in Oregon where it was filmed.

Yet the excitement has been no less for the prophecies around this week. Last year it hit 12 foot, but the conditions weren't right, so they didn't run it. The invitational honours Shaun by family and friends, local surfers and big wave surfers as they paddle out for this one day contest, and his family will be there too (younger brother Troy was on the World Circuit too, and is number one on the list which is voted for by the public), and the community has raised funds for local mental health charities Headspace.

I never knew Shaun in the full expression of his illness. Although there were crazy times growing up, things didn't get worse til later. He was my neighbor growing up, and I'd surf with him and all the other young lads that were amazing surfers and full of enthusiasm for life. My sister dated him a couple of times, the way you do when you're young, and there's other stories I can tell but they are fading now to that place of childhood where in a small town you know everyone and remembered them with a golden fondness, and wrap it tight in your heart lest you forget it. It's haunting, the people you lose over the years. I can see Brooko's cheeky grin just as I can hear those long ago waves. It was another time. But when the 50 year storm arrives, I'll be on the cliffs watching them paddle out if I can, and think of him and smile.

The surf report is promising, although everyone is debating whether it will be as big as expected. Coastwatch reports that it's 'pumping', and @bellsbeach50yearsstorm just gave the green alert for it to possibly go ahead in the morning.

I feel like I did at high school today, dreaming of the ocean, hating being at work and wanting desperately to wag and get down to the sea. In those days we didn't have social media, so I'm scanning the instagram feeds of friends who are down there, watching the swell increase.

Bells is getting bigger: a friend's photo on Instagram

Update: Thursday

Unable to get down there, I watch the morning unfold on social media. What a world we live in that this can occur. When I was at school, I used to scribble waves endlessly on my school folders - now, the surfer kids come in and show me the waves break in real time. I can check in with mates who are updating as the morning goes on. By all accounts, the 'board' meeting at the beach this morning was busy as the sun came up over waves that got bigger as the morning progressed. At last update, they weren't sure if it was big enough yet to go ahead, and that wind is BLOWY - this, from an hour ago, for those who love the surf and can be bothered clicking out of here!

https://www.facebook.com/bellsbeachvictoria/videos/2032733140094870/

And here, over the morning:

It's still unclear if the event is going ahead - seems doubtful right now.

But I know I won't be the only one wishing we were Bellsside this morning, and I won't be the only one thinking of Brooko, and the ones we've lost due to mental health issues. As I was about to update this, I heard the news about another person in our circles that died yesterday due to suicide. My heart breaks for the family.

Hug your loved ones, hold them close, and dream of salt water embraces.

Affected by this? If you could donate, the two charities supported by the 50 Year Storm Invitational are:

One In Five

and

Headspace

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