I would like to recommend a book -The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. Camus introduces his philosophy of the absurd, man's futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide?
I have read the general outline of what Camus is suggesting, in that realizing the absurd can either produce acceptance or a false explanation.
To reconcile the cognitive dissonance between apparent meaninglessness and a later creation of a theory justifying it is challenging (understatement), maybe without a definitive answer (in regard to suicide).
Thank-you