It's brave and admirable that you are willing to share so much so openly on such a sensitive topic. What I would say is that our rational mind is not directly connected to our emotions and it's not really that easy to control your emotions by choice. They are simply a more primitive shortcut that allows us to have an attitude towards the world instantly and without having to resort to deliberation. Of course, as anything in our bodies and minds, all of that circuitry is prone to malfunctioning in one way or another and leading to undesirable or unpleasant results.
Many of us (myself included) are often easily tempted in giving just-think-positively advice to people suffering depression or who are suicidal as if it were possible that such a thing never occurred to the person in question and as it were possible that mere positive thinking could be a viable solution for everyone. Unfortunately, it isn't.
My honest advice for anybody experiencing suicidal thoughts or depression on regular basis would be to seek professional help. The fact that you are open to sharing is a great step and an important one, now maybe you should consider sharing with somebody that has dedicated their life to dealing with this types of feelings in others who would have a much deeper insight into how you should approach this.
As far as purpose goes, I personally found it liberating to realize that it's all purposeless and there is no intrinsic purpose to anything, because this means that everything is a blank and I get to choose whatever purpose I see fitting. And looking into it from the game theory perspective, the longer you live, the higher the chances for you to discover a fulfilling purpose, so putting off death as much as possible qualifies as purposeful and prudent behavior, doesn't it?
Hi @rocking-dave,
I wouldn't say that the rational mind is separate from emotions, as these emotions guide feeling and action. I agree that such emotions are not entirely voluntary (which is depressing).
I have tried positive thinking mindset, sure it works in the short term however isn't really a solution to the root causes to why I feel this way. When thinking about professional help, I just can't see what they can do that would address these causes. What do you find that provides you fulfillment? The search for purpose seems almost like an ever increasing puzzle of complexity :(
It doesn't trouble me that there is no objective/intrinsic purpose (this would make us more deterministic), just that I have yet to find any subjective meaning that is satisfactory to live. A longer amount of time to find this purpose does grant higher probability to find it, but I'm not sure qualifies as purposeful in itself? (somewhat of a meta purpose?).
Still trying to figure this out
Well that's what I mean by separate. Rational thoughts and reasons can't control them as they are more basic.
Well, that's the thing with professionals in all kinds of fields, if you are not one, it's hard to imagine how they can go about doing their job. That's why they are professionals - they have highly specialized knowledge and skills that most of us don't. I have no doubt that an experienced professional in this area would have significant experience in helping people tackling this exact type of issue. Of course, I can't vouch for everybody, but it usually doesn't hurt to try and there are realistic chances that it might be of some use.
That is indeed an interesting question. Generally speaking I've found that I feel best when I'm dealing with something challenging. I like the feeling that I'm doing something productive, that I'm learning new things and that I'm not wasting my time. Keeping busy with an ambitious project is the thing that seems to be the most fulfilling and allows me to stay positive. In a sense, happiness, content or fulfillment seem to be things that come while you are not looking and seem to go away when you start digging for them on the inside. When you are concentrated on living, they creep in while you are not looking. So my personal answer that fits my own personal inner world is simply to keep busy.
Another thing that also helps is when you feel that some of the things you do are for others. I used to be a teacher for some time and this was quite rewarding. Unfortunately, it didn't offer sufficient income so I moved on to other things. But I remember that feeling that I'm doing something for others like helping them learn something new made me feel good about myself and my life.
The thing is, at least in my case, that nagging feeling to find a specific purpose or a specific answer just started subsiding with time. So it didn't grow harder, it grew easier as I learned that purpose doesn't need to be big and grand, it can actually be tiny and even mundane. It's perfectly OK to find purpose in the small things and you don't need to answer huge questions when doing so. Allowing yourself to feel joy is purpose enough in my book too.
I would use choose instead of find. If purpose is not a real and objective thing, you can't find it, you can only choose to accept or create it for yourself. I personally find this realization to be quite liberating, inspiring and motivating.
Yep, but why wouldn't a meta purpose work? There is even a grain of objectivity here if you think about it. You obviously have a need for a purpose and living creatures have a somewhat objective purpose to satisfy their own needs. Satisfying your own needs is something that is very easy to assume is part of what your purpose is on the most basic level. So looking for that purpose is an activity that is purposeful in the attempt to satisfy that need. It's a bit circular as anything self-referential, but I do think it actually makes a lot sense.
Hmm, I can appreciate your answers, feeling like something is being achieved or a challenging situation is at least attempted to be resolved, is something I share. I always evaluate if what I'm doing is really worthwhile though and not just doing something for the sake of it.
A partial explanation may be that individuals appear to like closure to a situation, for example not replying to your comment would leave a sense of unease since you have taken the time to do so. A lack of closure and not foreseeing an answer is what leaves me uneasy.
I need to in a sense choose a meaningful enough purpose before I accept it, I concede to your last paragraph as a metachoice :)
This type of things seem to satisfy another need, not just closure. We also have a need for achievement which I think is an important component of feeling what we are doing is worthwhile. Having a list of goals and being able to cross some out as done boosts that I personally find it to be a pleasant component of feeling purposeful. After all goals are short-term purposes and if most of your goals point in a specific direction, they are indeed stepping stones to a larger purpose.
On the grand ideological side instead of the practical side, I see two main purposes for my existence that I have chosen for myself - one is experiencing pleasure which includes everything from interacting with my loved ones and looking at sunsets to watching movies and playing computer games; the second one is self-improvement - I want to be a better person today than I was yesterday and this includes both acting better towards others in the moral and altruistic sense and being more knowledgeable, skillful and even successful. On some days I concentrate on the first one and on others I concentrate on the second one. On some days I feel I fail at both. But I'm happy to be on this journey
I guess, most of what I'm saying here is actually a bunch of verbose cliches, but they do work for me and I have indeed vested them with meaning from my own point of view.
Cheers, mate! :)