And every day that progresses although the grave is one step closer it never appears close enough (especially at my young age).
Maybe you can view this as a positive: we're all gonna die anyway, so why hurry? Nature/Life is gonna do it, so why do it to yourself? You can live it through just out of curiosity.
Some of my additional foundation for suicidal ideation or attempts is when focusing on the complete immorality that appears present to the human condition: of me and apparently everyone else, engineered by broad systems of control. (i.e. slaughter of animals daily), death, destruction (always ongoing) and subtle slavery (fiat currency, a lever as mentioned earlier) enforced by governments or anybody when power persists. That this appears ingrained to the human condition (and myself probably if placed in a situation of extreme survival) almost allures me to die.
That does me in sometimes too.
I've been writing a meaning of life series for some time now, and some of my ideas may help you figure out your feelings a bit better. Although I haven't gotten to the parts yet that relate to suicide and depression per se. But here and there you can find ideas that maybe will aid your search for understanding. If you just check my latest post, you will find links at the end for all the other parts, so you don't have to search through my page.
I should also ask the obvious: do you exercise and eat healthy?
When thinking about this, that is what I have been doing. Why even be curious? Because someone gives a value to do so? Many may delude themselves into thinking that anything but survival is the underlying reason for these values, which is related to the human condition. Even writing posts in a sense is to create an impact, to portray survival to the individual themselves and to others.
I have read your last post, and in regards to the ship my perspective is that the ship generally is the same (and same title used to describe it is), although constantly is changing as time progresses as every board is changed so cannot be considered the same.
Also in reading about nihilism it appears to be impossible to be one (although the nihilist may want to think themselves as).
I think it is an ideological position of deflection, as biological subconscious mechanisms will prescribe value to something, and even someone saying they are a nihilist is giving a value to this. I also do not exercise too much and I aim to not eat animal products (I have seen your I am therefore I harm post, not implying veganism is without suffering).
I would be interested on your perspective on healthy eating especially due to the conflicting information related to nutrition (high vs low carbs, saturated fat, sugar, cholesterol).
Thanks for bringing this to attention :)
Thanks for reading all of that!
Regarding nutrition, I more or less follow Michael Pollan and Nutrition Concepts and Controversies 14th edition, which is very similar to the Dash diet. That is basically what current science has to say, so that is what I do. There's many ways to follow these diets though regarding combinations, so I cook traditional dishes whenever I can instead of just throwing ingredients together or cooking recipes that came out of nowhere. Most traditional dishes come from my family, but Nourishing Traditions is a good source for that too.
As for exercise, anyone can do some basic weightlifting at home by purchasing a basic set of weights. Just 30 min a day or every other day will do, and you get all the cardiovascular benefits of cardio. Or, if money is a concern, you can do bodyweight exercises at no cost.