Hello friend! Dread not for there is a purpose in the life of every creature. It is not some devine purpose, but it is important none the less.
Experience
That is the purpose of our simple existence. To experience and learn everything we can about the world we live in. It is something ingrained deeply in all of us.
Cutting yourself makes you feel better because of the experience you gain out of feeling the pain. Next time you feel down go out and experience something new. A walk through the woods or even just a new tv show. Anything you can think of really, but if you exist releatedly experiencing the same things over and over (boredom) it is bound to negativly effect your mind.
Its not your time to experience death yet, so go and learn something new.
Hello @alex-draw,
What I have tried to describe in the post is that, yes everyone has their flavor (or I assume) that motivates them through life; I just have yet to find one that is fulfilling. My experience is that instead of dread , bereavement caused by hopelessness is what is terrifying. Although this causes dread personally, a fear that I will never find meaning.
Looking at this as a broader question, that does cause me dread however, is why? Why do I search for purpose and what is the underlying mechanism behind it? Is the search my own choosing , a type of avolition, or am I a puppet of the amygdala? Perhaps the sense of experience as you wrote is in control of this.
Cutting does make things better temporarily, however can act as a spiral, especially when I know that I have done it before and could do so again. So you cut, you feel temporary satisfaction, you question and hate yourself for doing it, causing a repetition(s).
At the moment the feeling is permanently down, so I can't say that anything is helping, although I can't say that boredom influences it.
And the grooves of negative feeling and behavior continues. It's sad isn't it?
bro if you aint found your flavour , try getting fit and having sex with hot women, cocaine what ever the fuck you want, i guarentee you will feel better , lifes worth living man, at the end of the day bro we never die cos were eternal, you cant be concious of being unconcious , wana feel better kno God is the cosmos and your thouhgts/ frequencys relate to what the cosmos will give you, so when you think like shit and have no purpose thats what you will get, when you think positive and happy more will come cos your on that plane of existance, bro dmt will open you up and cure anything you have hey give it a try :)
this is wise advice.
Live today.
stop thinking.
Cheers :)
you might like my 'unexpected' stories. ( 3 chapter posted so far) You might. might not . lol
agree with you.