On being Gay

So normally I dont talk about my sexuality non the less to any entity thats public but, im laying in bed and I cant stop thinking to myself why am I so lonely? What is it about me that I dont have? I get that im by no means above average and no better or worse than anyone else on this planet... so why cant I find someone who is in essence, my equal and other half? Sometimes I think people dont know im gay Id say overtime youd know but when most meet me for the  first time they dont assume...which I suppose could be a good thin and a bad. Regardless is there like a symbol or sign without being obvious to signal that I am indeed a homosexual? Im not one to "flaunt" my gayness around so its frustrating not being known to other gay men. Maybe im just to shy, I cant keep eye contact for to long and if I do  think ive done something wrong. Maybe im not attractive to anyone at all... I mean thats doubtful but whenever I show a different angel of my body I become insecure and I feel ugly I shouldnt but I do. None the less im not here for a pity party I just wanted to get some thought written down. Maybe you all have some advice? 😛