Goodbye Pat Hiscock Stupid Dog
by The Invisible Man

Dear Pat Hiscock,

To me, you are like a very stupid dog and I'm not sure that I need a very stupid dog in my life right now.

Things started to go wrong when I caught you singing with my boyfriend.

It's not that I don't love you. It's just that your daughter is extremely sexy and your nephew is, without a doubt, the most scary person I've ever known.

It's true, we've had some damp times sexing together. You have eyes like fake apples and the most dirty teeth I've ever seen.

Your personality is like a really tall cat shouting into my skull. When I see you shopping it makes me want to steal your apple eyes and post them to spanker lane.

I lie in bed at night wishing you were a driver and not a dog who likes singing with my boyfriend.

What I'm trying to say, is take your dirty teeth and go.

Yours no more
Ophelia Nutz

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman