Enough With Your Bushy Sound-proofing and Smelly Walls
by The Invisible Man

Dear Hugh Gass,

I have always felt happy living near to you. You are the most fake neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your barking dog.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your sound-proofing is too bushy and your walls way too smelly. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar

I have to insist that you take action to stop your barking dog from upsetting me. I demand that you sell the dog then varnish the fence.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud music increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Heywood Japhucker.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your barking dog on twitter.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the gangster and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
Harry Ballsonya

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman