A dating profile for Dick Gozinya
by The Invisible Man

Are your lips pointy enough for my amazing spots?
I am the navigator you're looking for.

To only the best women out there,

I'm a daring kinda man, who likes nothing more than football with the right woman, and socialising with my good mate, Cliff Richard, who admires my lovable qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my caring personality, closly followed by my smashing spots. I can be a jerk when I don't know people well - with body parts like my spots and my toes, I can afford to be.

I work as a navigator, helping clients. This allows me to exercise my skills: selling kippers and teaching. One day, I was just about to stop work when Cliff Richard appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. "Dick Gozinya, that was a job well done." That's the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, Cliff Richard and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser man would get a big head.

My life goals include:
Star in the next Star Wars film.
Shoot a follow-up to the perfume advert I star in
Become the best navigator I can be
If you're the right woman for me, you'll be gracious and hilarious. You won't be afraid to laugh and will have a healthy respect for the environment.

My ideal date would involve knitting in Scotland with a skinny woman by my side. While we're there, I evaluate your pointy lips, checking that you're up to my understandably high standards.

Women only get one chance with me. For every woman who displeases me, there are another 111 waiting in the wings to replace you.

May the force be with you.

If you're worthy, get in touch!

Dick Gozinya

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman