RE: Off the Grid [Short Science Fiction Story] [Steemit Exclusive]
I really chuckled at "iRide". Apple seems to have moved quite a bit :P
“Let me out! Please! Somebody let me out!!!” she screamed while the security guards gently injected her with a mild sedative. “Out! Please!” she whimpered and collapsed into the arms of a short Asian guard. “Please let me out!”
And then
“Let me in! Please! Somebody let me in!!!” the woman’s screams tore through the silence of night in Green Bank. Gin woke startled, like everyone else in the village.
is a bit disorienting, the fact that a significant amount of time has passed between the two is not immediately clear and causes some confusion. At least for me, others might perceive it differently.
I really like the concept of the story, especially the "something really bad happened while you were safe in here" part. You manage to introduce the reader to this new world before the apocalypse but still keep the mystery of what exactly happened.
And aside from that one rough transition, your writing is great too :)
<3
Thank you for reading!!!!
That rough transition is actually what started the story in my head. The quick and unexpected turn of events that flips everything onto its head.
As many noted, this is yet another of my shorts that sounds like the start of a novel. Still toying around with the idea of continuing it, but if I am going to work on a book, it's going to be my erotic fantasy epic (the previous draft of which was partially published on steemit last year).
And again - THANK YOU! I was looking for you on Discord to ask you to read this. You're one of the very few authors on steemit whose opinion I seek out when I create something worthwhile. <3
You can always find me on steemit.chat :)
Noted! It's the one place I didn't check.