OVER THE SILVER SKY TO THE WORLD OF NEVER : Part 21 - How Do You Live In Something So Small?

This is my favorite story of the day so far. GWYNETH PALTROW'S GOOP PAYS $145,000 IN VAGINAL EGG LAWSUIT. I bet that's a sentence very few people expected to see. Turns out stuffing an egg shaped object up your front hole doesn't cure anything. It certainly doesn't help balance your hormones or regulate your menstrual cycle. That's a shocker let me tell you. Makes me think those $300 parsnips I've got stuffed up my ass might not detox my liver or tie my shoelaces. If you can't trust a multimillionaire celebrity intent on extracting every bit of profit out of her fame, who can you trust? Is she to blame though, or is it the dumb cunts who swallowed that pile of shit like the mindless sheep they are?

(The copyright for this image is the property of Getty Images.)

Jake was still undecided about his decision to fetch the Firewave Inductor. It could be a sinister plot. Now he had millions of biots or nanites or what the fuck, wandering around inside him. On the other hand Sharon had sent him to that Ye Olde Booke Shoppe. Knowing it would inject them into him. Besides which if he was going to find her this looked like it might be a critical step in the process. He caught a glimpse of the geo thingy out of the corner of his eye. She still looked bereft to him. Based purely on that, he decided his decision to fetch the Firewave should be expedited. If he turned into a cyborg he'd have to deal with any consequences. As far as he knew he'd slipped it into his jacket pocket after fetching it from the BRP. For a change he was correct. There was one more thing on his mind before he handed it over, so to speak.

"Given that you were blind and had no idea where this thing was, why did you try to get hold of it and not wait for me to wake up?"
The comedy chipmunk voice inside his head replied.
"I got bored alright. It's okay for humans. Your time passes by quickly. You can't even register a millisecond. We can do a million calculations per nanosecond. Hanging around doing bugger all for a whole second is boring. I like to keep busy. There was also the need for me to familiarize myself with this body. Why do I have to answer all your questions? When is it my turn?"
In an attempt to be diplomatic Jake thought he'd allow this.
"Okay. Ask me a question."
"Oh crikey. I didn't expect you to say that. I've got millions of questions I've always wanted to ask and now I get to choose which one. Finished. Now that I've moved in and familiarized myself with your current intellect I do have one important question."
"Fire away."
"How do you live in something so small?"
He allowed that to sink in. Ruminated on the sleight for a short time. Considered all possible options available to him as a reply. Finally he selected the best comeback he had.
"Fuck you."
"Ooooo that's nice. All I did was ask an innocent question, purely out of curiosity, and suddenly the potty mouth takes over. There are parts of me that have never heard such language."
"Well they'd better get used to it."
"Be like that then. Come on fire it up. It's a Firewave, get it?"
"Yeah. Fucking hilarious. Before I do though I need to get one thing straight. Am I or am I not the one in control? In other words do you have to do as I tell you?"
"I'm not saying anything because you're soooo cranky."
"That's a yes isn't it. I do have overall control of you. If I wanted I could even turn you off couldn't I?"
Jake sensed the buzz that went through his entire body. All the confirmation he needed.
"You really wouldn't want to do that. Honestly it would be... wrong. In so many ways it's impossible for me to count."
"Even when you can do a million calculations per nanosecond?"
"Alright you got me. I promise I won't insult you any more. Than I have to."
"That's bollocks. You'll carry on being the way you are unless I do something drastic like change your personality."
This time the buzz made his teeth itch.
"Let's not get too rash. Have you considered the possible consequences of such a course of action."
"Like getting rid of you?"
"I'm laughing in here you know. Laughing. You're so funny. I've always loved your sense of humor..."
"I can use the Firewave to do that can't I?"
"Yes! Okay, you got me there. Now I think it's best we all calm down and neither of us makes any rash decisions we may come to regret. What do you say partner?"
"I'm not your partner. I'm your boss. Now you say it."
"It."
"I'm going to let that one pass, but the next one gets you wiped and a much better personality installed. Say it." There was an indistinct whispered mumble. "Louder!"
"Your my boss. If there was an HR department I'd be right round there now. This is abuse."
"Oh shut up." Jake found himself grinning then tittering then laughing. "Despite the fact you are a pain, for some unexplained reason I like you as you are. It feels right to me. So what do or did I call you?"
"Hermes."
"Really?"
"I wouldn't lie to you. I swear on my mothers grave I wouldn't."
"And yet your still lying. You haven't got a mother and even if you did have she wouldn't have a grave. Why did you lie?"
"Because I prefer Hermes. I don't like the other name you gave me."
"Which was?"
"Keith."
"That rings a bell. Thanks Keith." He felt the internal shudder. "I'm willing to let bygones be bygones though. So in the interests of reconciliation, I will call you Hermes from now on."
"Thank you. Thank you boss. I promise you won't regret it."
"I know I won't, because if you piss me off you'll be called Keith again. Now let's get this Firewave sorted shall we."

When he'd collected it from Toby's place, Jake hadn't examined it. He'd barely looked at it. Now that he could see the thing it didn't look particularly impressive. Describing it was easy though. It looked like a 15 cm by 8 cm block of solid plastic that was less than 5 millimeters thick. And it was black. He was so glad Hermes couldn't read his true thoughts right now. Only the spoken ones it seemed so far. Jake thought this piece of tat was cheap and shoddy, to say the least. It looked like a prop used in a junior school play. One that he didn't know how to operate. As it currently stood he didn't want to ask either. Instead he kept turning it over in his hands. Hoping that something would stand out. In what was a solid homogeneous block. How did he get this thing to turn on? The lump squirmed in his grasp and he nearly dropped it. While simultaneously becoming a lot heavier it developed a brass colored casing and a screen. A bit steam punk he thought. Which he assumed he'd turned on by thinking turn on. Turn off. While still in mid change it reverted instantly to its original form.

"What's going on?" Hermes asked.
"I'm checking it out. I'm being as quick as I can but I'm only human, as you've pointed out. Isn't there something else you could be doing?"
"I'm already doing it. They don't call me Mr Multitask for nothing."
"Nobody's ever called you that have they."
"A lot of them have thought it though. I could tell. I'm extremely perceptive and intuitive. At least that's what I'm guessing all these algorithms are for. I've only just found out I like cats."
Jake smiled. Hermes, despite his childishness and sulking, was okay. They suited one another so much he was sure a previous him had very carefully selected Hermes' personality. In an effort to combat his own.
"I'll be honest here. I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Biting my tongue, biting my tongue. And relax. You'll soon work it out boss. I've got every confidence in you."
"What would you say if I told you I'd accidentally erased everything?"
"You fu.." Hermes stopped himself. His voice became strained. "I'd say... I'd say.. thanks boss for giving it the good old T R Y. I knew you wouldn't let me down."
"I haven't. You can stop play acting now. I've got a screen with a lot of tiles on it with funny looking symbols on them. It scrolls as well. What am I looking for?"
"The Thorfir symbol."
"What would that look like?"
"It's like a backwards letter P with leg on it."
"Which direction does the leg point?"
"To the right. Otherwise it would be a backwards R."
"So what happens when I press this? Like so."

Jake received his answer immediately. He hadn't expected to feel anything if he were honest. As it was either the whole of reality passed through him or he passed through it. Bearing in mind it was also possible that both of these things were happening at the same time. That went on for a limitless few seconds as he briefly experienced the world from a computers perspective. Shit, it was slow. Eventually he was out the other side or the other side was out of him. It was impossible to be specific. Mildly disorientated he took a steadying breath.

"How do you feel now Hermes?" Jake inquired politely.
"Like you care." Hermes huffed.
"Of course I care. Just not very much. I'm kidding. I do really like you. Couldn't stand it when you were all subservient. I like it when you're contrary and difficult. We suit each other. So once again, how do you feel?"
"I'm up to 12.179% efficiency. When I get up to 50% I'll start moving all the shit out of here."
"Whoa. Hold on. What do you mean by shit?"
"The fat in your arteries. The prions in your brain. Multiple micro fractures consistent with a heavy fall. While I'm at it I could make both your legs the same length and level up your nipples."
"Say what? My legs are different lengths?"
"Most people's are boss. I could even them up, but that's the easy part. It might affect your balance and coordination until you get used to it. There's quite a bit of damage you've done to your body. I can also remove disfiguring scars. I'll leave it for now considering what's ahead. I've got other things to do first. Like reactivate your corposeum. That's the first priority."
"That sounds great. Ummmmm.. What does a corposeum do exactly?"
"It's a part of the brain that's only present in rare individuals. Current wisdom suggests that this was introduced by genetic manipulation at some point in human history. No one knows how or by whom. It's function is difficult to explain, partly because it isn't fully known. Even neural nets are unable to unravel all its secrets. For now let's say it enables you to interact with devices and phenomena that you'd otherwise be unable to."
"So that makes me pretty special then. Very few have a corposeum."
"Generally that's true but where we're going everybody has one. Most don't know how to use them though. It's like everybody has the muscles needed to waggle their ears but not everyone can do it."
"Great. So what do you need me to do next?"
"Bugger all would help."
"Don't get snippy with me Hermes."
"Sorry boss."
"Yeah that's going to wear out very quickly. Best you call me Jake for now. Until I find out who I really am."
Surprisingly Jake sensed the glow this gave his cohabitant. Hermes was happy.
"When I said bugger all it was true. Your body produces a lot of electrical activity. Especially the brain. That interferes with and slows down my work in here. If you had a sleep things would go a lot quicker. I'll wake you up when I'm finished if you like."
"Sounds like a plan. Ummm... purely a theoretical question here but would it be pos..."
"Yes I can make your cock bigger."
"I was just curious. If you've got more important things to do I'll understand. Purely theoretical on my part. I doubt I'll ever want that doing. No more than an inch if I did. Again that's speculation. One final thing though. When you wake me up next time please leave my penis out of it."
Hermes laughter filled his being, at least that's what Jake thought it was. Probably best not to ask.