My God, how I want to eat!

Wake up in the morning, and the first thought is: "God, how I want to eat! ..." ...
Of course ... if at five o'clock in the evening, no more bread was eaten. And not eaten, because - I grow thin.

A couple of days ago, standing on the scales, found that I gained 2.5 kg.

I decided to throw them back, and at the same time, and start preparing for the summer and lose another kilogram of 20, as I had planned before ...

... I drink coffee in the kitchen ... I efficiently calculate how realistic the task can be accomplished ... And then ...

And then I'm mentally transferred to my childhood. I see the grinning faces of the boys, whose mouths are mocking and shouting with a mocking laugh: "Fat! Look, fat has gone!" And their hands pointing very accurately at me ... so that means I have not the slightest opportunity even to doubt the targeting of their cries did not arise.

And I see myself instinctively dragging my head into my shoulders, and trying to get as inconspicuous as possible (and even better, just to sink through the earth), trying to break through their gagging flock.

They are just bored, I was chosen for ridicule by accident, passed by just ...

They are funny, easy and already not boring, I'm sad, terribly ashamed and hard ...
Ten minutes of such terse words, croaking my faces and ruthless ridicule, and they run away with a noisy company, having lost all interest to their silent victim ... They have already forgotten.

And I'm staying ...

I stand, watch them off and know for sure: I'm a freak. Because it's fat. Thick, and, therefore, ugly ... And ugly do not like. So, I can not fall in love, either. I just do not have the right to whose sympathy ...

... Of course, then, because of my young age, I could not so clearly understand and formulate all that happened. I just felt and felt. And remembered ...

So that now, sitting on the kitchen stool and estimating the quantity and quality of what I plan to limit from now on, all this is clearly reproduced in my mind ... Remember, see, understand and feel again.

And again to meet with her "inner child" ... that little, defenseless and ungracious girl who once found out that she is unworthy ... unworthy of friendship, love, sympathy, attention ... simply because "THICK". .. (Then the word "fat" was not yet in such a move) ...

I look in the eyes of this girl ... the outside world suddenly ceases to exist ... The cooled and forgotten coffee on the table. I'm all there ... in the inner space where the child is ... and in his eyes-fear, confusion and pain: he was rejected ...

I look ... The girl silently looks back ... Silence.

And suddenly ... the brightest flame! ... HATE flashes up.

Hate to those who once allowed this girl, who does not know anything else about life, so to think, feel and live ... To live, every moment feeling its own inferiority and irrelevance in this world.

In this girl, then for many years, the most important thing that she possessed was her femininity. A woman can not be told that she is ugly, unworthy of love. It kills her like a woman ...

Because every woman is Beauty and Love.

Regardless of any of its external data and internal qualities ...