The Horse With No Name -a short story based on true events.. teehee

There we sat at the end of the earth, just the two of us. Our feet hung off the dock above the ocean of sand. The wind was still and not a blade of grass or a grain of sand so much as trembled. The sun burned bright at high noon and we sat and pondered. There was nothing left, mankind had finally destroyed itself. How could this be… we always feared this fate, even challenged it with our foolhardy feats, was it out of ignorance or boldness that we failed so miserably? maybe both. Anyways it’s real, as real as the deafening silence that enveloped us. I turned and look at my new friend sitting beside me. He was wearing a suit and had a horse mask on. I didn’t think to question him, he never talked anyway, only stared off into the distance like some kind of ghostly machine. I would always talk to him and he would just sit and stare never uttering a word. I only knew him by the sound of his breath. Slow and steady always.

“I had a real friend once, His name was Michael. He became a preacher. He used to like to do things just to do them. You know like a dadbofor…”
“Whats a dadbofor?” The horse-man turned and asked.
Startled I paused for a moment, I had never heard this being utter a word. I quickly continued talking to appease him.
“Well it’s this powerful synergistic fusion created when two of the greatest forces in the universe come together as one”
He said nothing so I continued.
“Well what you do is you take a dad, not a father but a dad mind you and…”
“What do you mean a dad?”
“Oh that’s right you don’t know. Well you know like a dad, I’m a dad, you’re a dad. You know it’s like when you walk up to a group of dads and you’re like hey dads how’s it hanging and they are like a little to the left or right and maybe one says down low dad. They essentially confirm for you that they are just doin dadly things and then they bring into question your dadlyness. Then you tell them that your just daddin it up or daddin around or somethin. You know to dad or not to dad.”
“Interesting… ” The Horse-man whispered.

“So yeah you take a “dad” and put him on Bofor’s cannon which is a WWII era semi-automatic 40mm anti-aircraft gun with a rate of fire of about 120 rounds per minute. I mean this was a mean gun, it was used to blow planes out of the goddamn sky and sometimes modified to shoot at infantry. So if you could imagine these two unstoppable forces, a dad which in essence is a childless father, a man that has no limitations and nothing to lose, and this overkill of a weapon that will blow apart just about any carbon based life form, you get one of the greatest forces of the universe, similar to bears on meth or monkeys that throw dynamite instead of poo. There’s a great potential for disaster when dads come together, even more so than the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”
The Horse-man said nothing and finally turned his head back to its original position.

The next day I was sitting under the only tree around for hundreds of miles. There never were any leaves on it but for some reason it was still alive. I had remembered my old friend Michael. He used to talk about a Horse-man in a suit. I wonder if it’s the same one. He told me that this Horse-man, if it was a man at all would always come to Sunday mass. Apparently no one really paid attention to this Horse-man.
“The first time, I saw him out of the corner of my eye, the man in the sharp suit wearing a horse mask. He was sitting in the corner, always watching.” Michael had told me.

This happened for about a year or so and then Michael started to see him everywhere. On the subway he told me, then across the street at the café, in store front windows, even in passing cars. For the next few months leading up to the end he saw him everywhere. He started to get really mental about it. No one ever really listened when he would talk about it. It’s as if his words fell on deaf ears. But they always did, that’s why I think he became a preacher.
I felt it start to drive him mad. I remember being at his last mass. The story he told everyone was quite peculiar. Everything changed after that. I remember his story perfectly because I was one of the four young stallions that went to Europe.
Michael walked up to his podium dressed in his fine clerical garb and with an odd distressed look on his face, opened the giant bible and turned to Revelation. He stood there for a moment as the sun poured through the giant stained glass windows behind him and irradiated his being. He looked up, closed his eyes and exhaled. Then he began.

“And the woman which thou sawest is that great city, which reigneth over the kings of the earth. And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven, having great power; and the earth was lightened with his glory. And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird. For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies. And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. For her sins have reached unto heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities. Reward her even as she rewarded you, and double unto her double according to her works: in the cup which she hath filled fill to her double.”

After that he continued with the story about our quest in Europe.
“So there we were, the four of us, it was the first night in Amsterdam… Naturally we got stoned and drunk, I mean what else are you gonna do on the first day of your 30 day sexcapade through Europe. It was only right and something glorious had to be done. So we find ourselves in an ungodly stupor taking to the streets like ravishing beasts, poisoning our bodies and filling our bellies with anything and everything we could find. Like kids in a candy store I tell you. I had a bottle of fine wine in one hand and a chunk of exotic cheese in the other and it was oh so delicious.

We managed to finally get to the right place. The evanescent red glow from a block away calling us to the rocky shores of moral desolation; irresistible to a bunch of young stallions like ourselves. We were on the lookout for a donkey show. A man had approached us on the street. 25 Euro’s for a sex show he explained. After not having any luck inquiring into the whereabouts of any donkeys we naturally accepted. It was all downhill from there. We pounded drink after drink at this bar watching a stage with a mirrored back drop. The first act came out, a giant women and a monk. This was no Sunday school lesson. The monk proceeded to preform sexual intercourse with this woman. Some kind of divine retribution I thought. After that a women came out and pulled a volunteer on stage and made him take his shirt off. She slipped one of those industrial size sharpies, you know the one, right into her vag and wrote big boy on this man’s chest. Seriously… After that another women came on and inserted a candle into her special place and let the wax melt and encrust her receptacle whilst doing a hand stand. Possibly another religious ritual I jokingly thought. The next act was a women that fed her vagina a banana and then pulled another random volunteer from the crowd and let her vagina feed him the banana, you know like the way a bird feeds its young. After this the last women came on stage. Now I know you’ve seen clowns preform before, this lady was akin to a clown but in no way did she show it in her physical appearance. We sat there wondering what wonderful things might delight our eyes next. A moment later she began to pull this green glowing rope out of her vagina, it went for 20 feet or so! It got to the point where her vagina began to defy all reason, our jaws had dropped.

This trip was already on its way to becoming the shit show we were all looking for. I decided I had to christen the vacation. So I walk up to this hot blond girl standing in a windowed door. She opened the glass door and said “50 Euro suck and fuck” It blew my mind, I said “Fuck Yeah” and walked in. It got awkward fast. She told me to get undressed. I didn’t take my shoes off. I pulled my pants down to my ankles and laid on the bed. She said “No, you take all off”. I’m stoned and drunk mind you… so I do as she says. I momentarily question my reasons and rationalizations for being here but quickly push it to the back of my mind as she climbs on top of me. When in Rome… So it gets to a point where I’m having some fun and naturally I did what all stallions do when presented with such a situation. I gave this hot big titied blond a nice spank on the ass. Let me tell you she was not happy. She looks down at me and points yelling “ No masochism! No masochism!” I go limp instantly. At that point I had to get the hell out of dodge. I was between a rock and a hard place. I flipped this woman off me and quickly put on my clothes haphazardly and got the hell outta there. I swiftly walked out with my head hung low to meet my friends waiting at the canal snickering like little school girls. “We have to go I said!” I was depressed for two days and started smoking cigarettes shortly after. The experience was akin to buying a Happy Meal, so sterile and unemotional, like being naked in a doctor’s office.”

The preacher man then crouched down next to a bag, put on a horse mask and turned to his Catholic congregation and stared. No one said a thing. They all just stared back, eyes wide, a few with their jaws dropped. This wasn’t good enough he thought. He turned, dropped his pants, bent over and spread his ass and yelled.

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock. Behold! The glory of God!”

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