They Say Marriage Is Not Arranged In The USA - Is It True?

The Expectations:

From the time I was a little girl, if I had male friends. (I was a tom-boy,  of course I had male friends.)  People would ask, in that coy snotty tone.  "Is that your boyfriend?" or "Will you marry him".  As a "Sporty Girl" I hung out with the boys, they were my friends, I wasn't even considering boys "a thing" yet.

I broke off an engagement 2-years ago, and my family is so upset they have quit speaking to me.  When I think back there was always pressure to marry this man.  His family and mine are close friends and he was at every party and every event I went to since I was 10.  Both of our families are in politics and the more perspective I gain, the more I have to wonder if the potential marriage was a tool to connect two families for a political goal. 

The Romance:

This man, Robert, and I have always known each other.  Home from college one year we went to dinner and started a romance.  We had somethings in common, but he was headed down a much more complicated path.  We wanted to finish school before we married, and our families were both thrilled at the relationship.  It was sweet and fun and I did love him.  He was handsome, came from a good family.  He was kind and taller than me.  (not easy to find)   We did well for 3-years, traveling back and forth on weekends and breaks to visit each other.  As we graduated and began to plan our wedding, it was time to plan where to settle, what jobs to look for, how would our lives pan out together?


Wedding Planning:

Many couples have difficulties planning the wedding, for me this was not an issue, I don't care much about ceremonies and special days and such.  So, I just left the details up to him and our mothers.  With the exception of the chapel and my dress, I stayed out of all of the planning.

The Problems:

The problems actually began when we started to plan our life.   He wanted to live in DC and I wanted to stay in our home state.  He wanted me to go into education, I wanted to try to pursue basketball, perhaps even over-seas.  I tried out for 2 teams in the WNBA, but I was cut from the training programs in both.  Yet, I still had a desire to play the game I loved.  Robert treated my sport with patience, but he never took it seriously, nor did he ever understand what it meant to me.  A knee injury ended the basketball debate.  I see now that he wanted me to be a supportive political wife.  I realized, I was not cut out for that.



The Break-Up:

When I told Robert I thought we wanted different things in life and I didn't want to marry him.  The results still stun me.  It wasn't like I left him at the alter.  It was four month before the big day.  I invited him to my apartment and had carefully planned how to break off our relationship and cancel our wedding.  However, his anger when I told him, was more powerful than I imagined, and he went on an angry rant about me embarrassing him and how I needed to be careful how I proceeded, if I wanted a chance to be with him when I came to my senses.  Have you ever had "love die" in just one conversation.  I was so turned off by the things he said, I can never forgive him.  However, that was just the beginning.


My Family:

I had no idea my family was so invested in my marriage and they were also furious with me canceling the wedding they had been planning.  My father was especially made and said I threatened his position by acting so selfishly.  (What?)  I decided I didn't want to spend my life with a man, and I am selfish?  Long story short.  The battle escalated and my family cut off all ties with me.  I am still hurt and stunned.  I feel like a pawn in two families' agenda.

Now:
Two years later I have settled in a mid-sized town away from my home state, I have a nice job, and I am enjoying figuring out what I want to do with my life.  I got a puppy!  One good side of making everyone you know angry, is you get to find out who you are when there isn't a lot of expectations on you.

my puppy

Although, the title of my story is an exaggeration, I still feel I barely broke away from an arranged marriage.