What Lies Within

In the dead of night, I walk down the fire trail wide enough to fit two fire trucks side by side. There are no lights, but my eyes have adjusted to the dark, I can see the silhouettes of trees behind the silhouettes of the trees. Deep in the bush land the sound is deafening.

The swaying of the trees, the crickets chirping, the nocturnal animals rustling about foraging for food, It creates its own music, a symphony of sorts. But its bitterly cold and even the physical movement of walking the hills of this fire trail cant increase the warmth felt walking alone on this night.

Every minute or so I rub my hands together cup them to my mouth and breathe heavy to try gain some warmth, I also check my footing while doing so while my head is down. I see my breath emerge from my hands like a steam train and I briefly feel the warmth on my cheek as it quickly dissipates into the night air.

As I descend into the lower section of a small valley each step taken slides forward an additional centimeter. The degree of the landscape has increased significantly and the trail is poorly maintained covered in loose stones and leaves. Slightly leaning back to match the degree of decline is the only means of balance.

The sounds of the creek now join the symphony of the bush as I make my way towards the bridge that will allow dry passage. Four cylindrical concrete pipes lay beside each other, each six feet wide and covered in compacted dirt. A low budget structure, but quite extravagant for the usage it receives in the middle of nowhere.

With the creek now behind me the ascent out of the valley is hard, my legs hurt, I’m tired, I don’t know if I’m going to or coming from somewhere, I don’t even know why I’m here, I just know that I have to keep going. No matter, my thoughts are good company out here alone in the dark.

Rounding a corner on the trail I can see the summit and it is picturesque, the moon rising on my temporary horizon, big and bright white, giving me the gift of slightly more light. Breathing into my hands again the light now refracts from the steam and makes it impossible to see the ground I walk on.

Distracted by the visual anomaly I don’t notice the symphony has stopped, all I can hear is my footsteps, the sound of walking on gravel. When I look up again I can see a new addition to my picturesque setting, at about 50 meters, at the summit, a large wolf.

Bad Moon Rising

My mind struggles to comprehend what I am seeing, I’m still walking towards it. The logical part of my brain kicks in saying, “Danger!!! Stop walking” and I do “if you stay still it won’t see yo…”, but I don’t get to finish that thought. Even in silhouette I can see the wolf’s head turn from profile view to face me.

I gasp, I know he heard me, I see his ears fold back. My mind screams at me ”RUN!!!”, but I’m frozen. The wolf then stands on its hind legs and takes a human posture. My pupils dilate and the adrenaline starts being released, I know exactly what this is… a werewolf.

Just as I put this all together he starts charging towards me and I simultaneously take my own advice turn around and start running back down the trail. Within a second he is effortlessly on my heels, I can hear his heavy paws beating the ground behind me.

In a display of power and ability he dives into the scrub and paces parallel to my right, but I can only hear him in full surround sound. He then Increases his pace and crosses the trail in front of me, then slows to pace me on the left. He is literally running circles around me, I don’t stand a chance on the trail.

I turn sharply and run into the bush choosing the narrowest paths I can find between trees, jumping over logs and ducking under branches. I can hear the mish mash of his paws on the ground now, he has to take alternative routes, I’m making ground, i think its working.

Now I hear nothing but my feet hitting the ground, BOOM!!! I'm pushed from behind and I hit the ground face first, he lands on my back and we slide for a few meters on the leaves and twigs that blanket the moist forest floor.

I can feel his breath on the back of my neck, heavy and incessant. I can sense that he feels I was a good hunt and that he feels he displayed good sportsmanship in our interaction. I lay frozen in fear as his saliva drips on me, I know what’s coming.

In a final desperate plea my conscious mind speaks to me, “if this is how it’s going to be, have the courage to look at it before he finishes you off”. I surprise him as I roll over, thinking I’m trying to escape he pins me with his left paw, he bares his teeth at me and slowly leans down toward me until we are completely face to face, looking into each other’s eyes.

Time stands still for the two seconds as we stare at each other, he snorts at me breaking the trance and pulls back far enough to put his right paw between our gaze. He tenses his right paw and large bear like claws emerge, he reaches back to full extent of his arms and strikes down upon me. The jolt turns my head to the right and I can see the leaves of the forest floor glistening in my own blood. Another strike with his other paw and I face left to see the same horrendous sight. Left and right again and again.

Werewolf

I sit up gasping for air, wanting but an able to scream, my throat so dry, in the darkness, pitch black darkness, consuming me, so disorientated, I don’t even know where I am. I’m in a room, my room, my bed... my sheets soaked in sweat, that was a nightmare right?

Good god that was traumatizing. I fumble around for the light, I find it eventually. My eyes hurt, it’s still a couple of hours before I need to get up for work, no way I’m going back to sleep after that. I may as well get an early start to the day I guess.

I have a long hot shower, even though I have been sweating profusely, it’s still cold. I can’t stop thinking about that nightmare, it was just so intense. Hollywood special effects don’t hold a candle to the dreamland realms. I keep reminding myself not to think about it, but i do. Time to shave after my shower, a quick once over should be fine, but I’m still rattled by the experience.

Finishing up I nick myself with the razor. “Dammit, that’s gonna bleed... ok let’s assess the damage”, I think to myself. As I lean over the sink towards the mirror for a closer look, my stomach gets butterflies, the bad kind, so I lean back. I look around for the reason I’m feeling uneasy, but come up empty.

Leaning in again, closer this time, and a rush of fear surges throughout my body. This time I jump back up against the wall behind me looking left and right for what could be causing this feeling of imminent danger, again there is nothing there.

The only correlation is leaning into the mirror. I consciously prepare to do it again, this time I’m going to be more aware of what is happening. As I start I can feel the tension building, the fear growing, the freeze, fight or flight response kicking in. I know it, I can feel it, but what is it?

I get two inches away from the mirror and the anxiety is killing me, but I’m determined to find out what is wrong. Then it happens… I lock eyes with myself. Waves of varying emotion engulf me, fear, rage, surprise, anger. I stay there frozen on the verge of a breakdown, my chest feeling like it’s going to burst, with tears welling in my eyes as I realize what it all means.

I spent a lifetime staring at that werewolf for those two seconds in my nightmare, I know his every detail. Everything else was a prelude to that moment in the nightmare. The only thing of significance was that one moment I shared with that animal. It was so I would know who he was when I saw him. So I would recognize the eyes of the werewolf were staring right back at me from that mirror, it was all so I would know the werewolf… was me...