Living abroad, traveling the world, being nomadic with no particularly permanent ties is in so many ways a blessed dream that I'm unbelievably grateful for MOST days...
BUT I'd be lying if I said it was always sunshine and rainbows...☝️
If there were ONE THING that I had to pinpoint out as the most difficult part of it, it would be leaving loved ones, friends and family behind. 💔
At the time I wrote this, I was just waking up in Bali, the place I'd found after years of searching for the perfect paradise to nest into... The first place I resonated with enough to finally bury some roots into...🌱
There I was, sunshine glowing outside on a perfect morning, ready to start my day when I received one of the phone calls my anxious mind dreads-- the one thing that makes the dream come to a shrieking stop. 🛑
A call that comes unexpectedly, pain gripping the voice of the other side that shakenly says someone you love has passed on and is no longer here with you...😳
My body tightened as my mind translated the words coming through the phone, into my ear. My temples started pulsing as my heart rate quickened and my skin started to heat up...
The computation repeated back to me a meaning I could not make sense of. Far too far away for anything to feel real, far too removed to grasp the reality that is very present in my most loved ones' lives right now.
What just happened? My heart asked my mind. 💔
My mind tried to give my heart answers but it couldn't because I was NOT THERE. It didn't feel real. It felt icy cold numb and it struck me into my core.
That is the hardest part of all. Not being there THEN, in that particular moment in time.
Closing my eyes and seeing his friendly smile, hearing him laugh my name at me, feeling his warm hug wrap around me and knowing it's just a memory.
✨It's like a dream fading into the inevitable dose of fatality that's amoung us all.✨
👉 It's a choice I make daily being away, that those I left behind may move on without me and that's a hard pill to swallow.
Right now, I'm thousands of dollars away, I'm a day's worth of hours from getting home, I'm literally on the other side of the planet and it's the most helpless feeling to be this far when something like this grips my family or friends.
This is the cost to my lifestyle, to my adventure and in all honesty, it feels like an OK cost to pay when it's all fun and games. We can Skype, we can FaceTime, we can talk and see each other all we want with internet and so that soothes the distance most days, but it becomes unbearable in times like these. 💔
I make a plea to the hearts of anyone reading this to please LOVE EACH OTHER UNAPOLOGETICALLY, be there for one another and hold each other with vigor as we appreciate this gift of life we all have, treasuring every moment.
The idea of death/fatality has always tried to have nails in my neck, scratching panic and fear into my very being. It's not a concept that I have ever enjoyed entertaining but what I decided to do to combat it was to make every day count -- to do everything possible to experience joy, excitement, freedom and most of all love! ♥️
Love lead me on my adventure and this is the flip side of the coin to that.
We all have choices to make in this world, some are very difficult and cause us to have to give and take.
My dear Uncle, God bless his soul always told me how proud he was of me for following my dreams. His first flight out of the country was to come to my party in Mexico! He would always say to me "You go girl!" That's something I'll take with me forever, the encouragement to continue chasing my dreams! ✨♥️✨
I hope against all odds, you continue to follow your heart and make your dreams come true too!