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Thank you @geke. I liked the story I wrote, well certainly the idea presented. But I feel this works better. Glad to hear you feel that way too.

One thing I didn't like about the challenge was how rushed it all was. No time to really edit anything. I think the challenges and flash writing are great, but of course, I don't normally work that way. :)

I liked it as an ideas generating concept. But I was lucky in the sense I was online when the article was posted, so I had a bit of time. But I did rush myself, so on rereading it it does seem stifled. But I still liked the idea, and wanted to see where I could take it, with a bit more time.

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