I force my hands into my face, there's the Venus and Mercury mounts, the head, heart, and life lines, but not my scars. I must be dreaming. I sleep naked. Somehow my clothes are on. I leave the bedroom to stand on my porch. Odd. No living room, kitchen, or bathroom? Definitely dreaming.
I stretch. Dream dusk or dawn, doesn't matter much, that grey-purple sky tells me it's shift-change. A stretch limo, longer than Silverstein's, drives by. Nineteen mascots stick out nineteen sunroofs, fifteen college kids hang out the twentieth. They wave, shouting for me to join. The limo disappears. I chase after. I am flying. When I reach the top of the hill, nineteen mascot heads sit upon the porch of a plantation house. No mascot bodies. No limo. Hear the party raging? Come inside.
To my right, stairs climb up four stories. The foyer opens to a narrow hall. A door is visible. I hesitate, thinking of two movies: "The People Under the Stairs" and the first "Harry Potter." Hoping for H.P. while bracing for P.U.S., I turn the knob. The half bathroom is empty. The toilet reminds me: I just woke up and haven't yet gone pee.
With the door closed, I realize this is no ordinary half-bath. It's a ginormous bath palace, including a sauna. Abstract wall decor; a memo covered corkboard hangs from the back of the door. The notes say random things like: "ladies drink free: Wednesdays" and "all work and no play make Jill a dull girl."
The handle turns easily. The door knocks me down. Water rushes me. I frog-paddle to the door frame, then propel myself into the hallway. There is no hallway. I'm swimming in a living room, DVDs float near the immersed entertainment center. Light looks weird in the water, but it exposes a sliding glass door. I fight with the glass before spilling onto the grass.
A stegosaurus-shaped possum dangles upside-down from a limb. Yellow eyes lock on mine. I smile. The beast does a 360 landing in front of me. Tony would've been proud. Instead of a perfect 10, I give it an ear of corn. "Thank you," it says, "remember this dream for I'm about to tell you the secret of..."
Now, I can't remember!