Woman Palaver

in #story3 years ago


After the debacle of Nigeria being beaten by Croatia, I was in a Jubilant mood as the same punishment was meted out to Argentina and theirs was even sweeter.
The claim of who is the World's best player was finally led to rest as Croatia showed no "Messi" to a team whose coach looks like the owner of a record label, like my friend puts it, he looks like a pirated version of Rick Ross.
During the Match, Susan paramulated the whole place and I barely gave her the attention I knew she was craving for as I was totally engrossed in it. She was just boring me with silly questions that I answered, albeit, trying to control my anger.
"Baby, so Barcelona is playing with Croatia,?"
"No, Barcelona is a club, this is Argentina, it's a World Cup, clubs don't play against country " I answered.
"Oh I see, so Argentina bought Messi to play for them?" She asked again
At this point I cringed at the silly question.
"No, Messi is from Argentina, he is just playing for his country "
"But Baby oh, do you know that the price of everything has increased in the market, I bought Ludo today, I mean common Ludo oh, I bought it #550 as against the #150 we bought it the last time"
She said twisting her lips.
I was trying to to figure out the relationship between Football and Ludo, since when did we even start playing Ludo.
I didn't answer her and I could tell she felt extremely uncomfortable and neglected.
It took a call to make her leave my presence and I gave God the Glory, because at that point, I was contemplating murder.
After the Match, I walked into the kitchen to align my stomach, only to find out that my wife has not even boiled the Rice not to talk of making stew.
I moved into the room and met her watching Zee World and she was so engrossed in the program. I hate this Program with everything in me and she knew it.
"Baby, it's past 9 na, you haven't even made the stew, what time are we going to have dinner"
It was as if I was talking to a stick, she didn't move.
"Baby, are you not the one I am talking to? "
"Oh Fred, why are you disturbing my life for heaven's sake. Because that stupid match has finished, you have now remembered you need to eat right? Please oh, this movie is important to my emotional and mental health, since my husband now has a new a wife "
"A new wife? I don't understand "
"You won't understand Fred, you won't understand. Ever since this World Cup started you barely have time for anything else. Everyday Goal!! Goal!!, even the main Goal!! that you are supposed to score in the room you won't last upto 10mins but you will sit down one place and watch football for 1 hour, something that you cannot play. It's only food you know how to eat in this life, oya follow me to the kitchen oh,we will cook that food together "
The appetite immediately dropped from 100 to 0. I managed to stroll into the kitchen, looking depleted and worn out.
"This one you are carrying your face like this, hope you know you still have another Match to Play this night, don't worry eh, I will manage the 10 mins"
She was still running her mouth helter skelter .
"But baby, you really mean to tell me that I don't do you well because of football"
"Hian Fred, when did I say that one na, you see that energy you always use to scream Goal!!, reserve it for better use, yoy know you get tired easily"
"E don don do, cook the food alone, just because of Match you want to talk down on me ba. Don't worry, you will hear from me this night " I said, trying to prove a point.
"My Love, the worst thing that will happen to you now is for you to leave this kitchen, else this night, you will just be watching football highlights "
With that statement, i carefully resumed duty quietly. I know my wife, she doesn't make empty threats...