How I lost my husband

I want to share my story from life. I have been married for 14 years. She lived like a fairy tale: my beloved husband, two beautiful daughters, an apartment, a car. Everything was fine, but in the last three years it had gone somersault. She began to notice that her husband had changed, he was never at home. I forgot that we had to go somewhere and said that it was my fault that I did not remind. And what he promised his friends, he always remembered.

At that time I was depressed in the absence of work. I was sitting at home, or rather, arranged, but for a long time I could not work, because I did not like it. I went to work as hard labor. My husband was infuriated, and I tried to rationally explain my throwing. In response, he said that I do not know what I want. I always wanted to work with flowers, but in his understanding it's just a whim.

Not having received from him understanding and support, I fell into a stupor: I did not want anything, I could lie down all day long, only so that no one would touch me. She lived on the machine: in the morning she got up, took the children to school and again went to bed. Before the arrival of the children from school, I got up, cooked, cleaned the apartment. The children came, the husband from work, ate, did the lessons and slept. So every day, I could not leave the house for weeks. At that moment I needed support, but I still did not get it, as my husband did not receive from me. It got to the point that we had nothing to talk about.

But so long could not continue. By effort of will, I took myself in hand, got a job, which I like, although it was not associated with flowers. I began to come to life, but time was lost. Somehow my husband asked me how I would react if I found out that he had another woman. I said that I will not forgive. I used to feel that someone had it, but I just did not want to believe it.

It was his first love. Once upon a time she abandoned him, got married, gave birth to a child, but soon divorced. From his words, she never loved him. And then they met again ...

I cried, I was humiliated. He said that he loved me, that she was just friends with her. I just start to believe him, and I see SMS with a declaration of love. I called her, I say: if you have such a love, then take it to yourself. I am so ashamed for the fact that I called her ... I always thought that I would never descend to such a thing, but then in me there were only emotions and pain. She assured me that there was nothing on her part. I again believed, but then I read their correspondence, from which I realized that everything is reciprocal and on its part, too, there are reciprocal and unequivocal actions.

Now I no longer wanted to live. My husband said: I love you, let's start again, I want to forget it. And then I realized that he always loved her. Then he tried to forget it with the help of me and now the same thing is happening. I felt like a toy, a means. My world collapsed. Inside is emptiness and constant pain.

After another SMS, I kicked him out, but it did not get any easier. I love him, I must forget, but you can not simply throw out 14 years of life. He comes to the children. At first I was humiliated, asked him to come back, but he says that he feels so good. Of course, well - no worries. And I'm like a zombie, I can not sleep, I lost weight, even the most terrible. All the problems have to be solved by yourself. And the most offensive is that children suffer. He now just buys them, performs any whim, movies, toys, expensive gifts ...

Looking back, I think: could this be avoided? It could be. At first I blamed everything on myself only, but in such situations there is no one guilty. My fault is a maximum of 50%. And in all this situation his mother supports him. It turns out that he always told her everything. She can be understood, this is her son and she will always justify him, although her husband was walking by herself.

We must somehow live on. While my whole life is children, only for them I wake up. We must survive, endure. Only now I do not know if I have enough strength for this.