[Zuton] : "Oh no." (1)
Bzz bzz…
Bzzz…
Bzzz Bzzzzz...
The device falls off the side table and crashes onto the floor.
She leans over to find the culprit of her early rise, her knuckles lightly grazing on the concrete floor as she reaches out for it. These ‘pop-up’ block apartments make redecorating quite the task, she was lucky enough getting the sofa in the 2X2 elevator.
Managing to grab the device, she lifts it up into view and is met with a barrage of messages.
Missed call from Poly (7)
(15) New Message Notifications
Cascin ALERT: Your Commcast is undetected
New messages from Poly
wher the fuck are you? answer
somethins not right
She slides downward and skips over a stream of question marks and exclamations.
Siatheres been an annuncement on the broadcast sayin weve to regroup at lurtenbor, somethin bout theplug-ins failing n breaking our commcasts
A realization clouds her mind and the real panic begins to sink in.
All code blocked pieces of text are open for interaction. If you have a suggestion and would like to see some different text within the code blocks, leave your comment below. When the next part is uploaded, the edits will be finalized.
Also, suggestions and ideas for the next part are appreciated and considered.
This was short, sweet. I'm not sure how I feel about using images in the story. Does the clock say it's 12 and the messages have been received at 7.45? I find it a bit... unrealistic that the clock would be exactly 12:00 and the messages at 07:45. Other than that, it's a great post. I don't know why I'm criticising that, but, for some reason, it bothers me haha.
It bothers me hahaha. I wasn't sure about it and I'm glad you brought it up pal.
Any suggestions for the text in code blocks? :)
I'm attaching an image of a part of the text (how it is visible to me).
the message from Poly is formatted well. There may be a little bit too many line breaks. In other formats of writing, you may find *** or some symbols to mark a change, rather than too much space, but this is at your discretion. the Sia, part, I'm not sure why the formatting looks like that. It makes sense to use the quote form, but the text with grey-background like "plug-ins falling n breaking our comcasts" are distracting and confusing.
I know steemit can be a little painful to edit in. Especially if you copy past from a formatted document. It's always up to the author's discretion, but these were my opinions.
The code blocks are part of the interactive part of this series buddy. Whatever is in grey blocks is a suggestion and can be edited by the audience.
People can make suggestions as to what I put in the grey areas and before I post the next part I will edit the grey highlight outs and the edits will follow the story on.
I greyed out Sia in case people wanted to see a better name for the character. I greyed out the commcast's part in case people wanted to see a different reason for the journey to Lutenbor.
Also, the break lines have been used to give the feeling of an actual text message on the screen.
Thanks for the input pal, it's good to keep me on my toes :)
Ah okay. Yes, the line breaks make sense now. It's not easy to portray that or for me to get that, but now that you mention it, I see it only the way you explained it. Yeah, for some reason I skipped the paragraph about the code blocks, haha.
I barely have written any fiction, so I don't really have strong opinions or suggestions. In a way, it is difficult to suggest anything as I cannot put myself in the author's vision, although there are definitely people who are able to suggest on the get-go (like editors). Good luck with this, I hope people participate!
Thanks for the kind words mate. I appreciate any feedback and anyone can interpret in any way they feel like, it's great to get opinions like this about it.
I know what you mean. This was the first fiction piece I've written in about 15 years? I just felt an urge to do it and by being able to make short parts and string them together, I can keep my Steemit fire burning consistently :)
I have written a couple of flash fiction (150-words) for contests, and now I'm writing my first 1000-1500 word fiction.
I do some freewrites so that was inspiring. I am nowhere near being a fiction writer, but more than anything, writing is a tool for oneself, and Steemit is definitely helping a lot of us to keep our fire burning.
Very interesting experiments, I will try to remember for the next one. I liked how pace was being pushed through the spacing and formatting.
Thanks mate, I thought it was important to build up some suspense using spacings.
By all means leave some suggestions for this one :)
You publish this and leave me with a cliffhanger?? Cmon man I don't need cliff hangers today lol :D.
On a side note did I ever say I love your formats their so easy to follow great post thank you for posting this.
Hahaha! Got to have a little bit of mystery ;)
Thank you very much. The formatting on this one was sooo much fun. Great to do something a bit different. Thanks for stopping by @crazybgadventure, hope your friday is awesome!
I just said the same thing. They also pace the reader, although this one was a short one. I would explore with different pace or building up the pace.
Thanks for the advice @alexdory, that is very valuable. I will consider it when things start to get a bit more.... hectic.
Cheers for stopping by :)
Intriguing...
ok so i thought i got the concept.... but now i'm wondering if people already added their thoughts in and you changed it? or.... i think i need a newer post hahahahaha going to the next now! LOL
I can't wait to get into this more with you. From what we talked about earlier in drop in the ocean it sounds like great fun.