Detective Sergeant Kroon: the case of Gerald Sponkins

There was gin. There was ouzo which we accidentally bought instead of gin. There was vermouth which we accidentally bought instead of gin. There was peppermint schnapps. Detective Sergeant Kroon closed the fridge door and walked back to his desk. The constable was on his arse. This was just like the time someone made sick on his garage floor, and he had to clean it up with a shovel. But this time the garage was his city, and the sick was his nemesis Gerald Sponkins. This time, Sponkins had run amok of the local constabulary one time too many, this time. This time, Sponkins had done a bad thing indeed.

Detective Sergeant Kroon called on his trusty sidekick Inspector General Robinson. "Please 'rev' up the motor machine, it is time to solve crime!" We hopped on the motor machine and it purred like a really angry cat. Sponkins' last known whereabouts was the airport, so we headed to L.A.X. which is police code for the airport. Traffic was bad, so we stopped at the interim police station cum motorcycle rental shop for directions. We didn't think we would make it in time, so we ordered backup. "Hold Sponkins until you can ascertain reasonable doubt!" And onward we rode. We saw all the streets, and it was nice.

We got to the airport and spoke to the first responders. What was the story? It transpired that Sponkins had broken into one Martwell P. Erkin's house and left advertising material all over his bed. That Sponkins! He will rue the day. And so we went to Martwell's house and had to break in through the back window. The neighbour was whistling a song I didn't know, as he watched us gerry open the window. We surveyed the scene. Bunning's Warehouse, Coles, Danny's Dollars, Newspower, Freeman the Freemason's Aprons and Bibs, Seven-Eleven. Anybody with paper and ink to their name was well represented in this bazaar of movable type. It was a bloody mess, no question about it. But like Detective Sergeant Kroon always says: where there's blood, there's clues. And clues solve cases! We leafed through the papers. Advertisements for guns, ammo, lawyers, whistles, chocolate hobnobs $1.99, electric hairdryers, whistles, hypothetical boiled sweets– whistles! The whistler from next door! Detective Sergeant Kroon made a mad dash for the door, but it was deadlocked from the outside. Scrambling through the window, he caught sight of the mystery whistler as he was making his getaway. It was no other than Gerald Sponkins!

"'Rev' up the motor machine, and this time there is no time for a please!"

Long and far did we rev, hot on the tail of the despicable Sponkins-mobile. He dashed left into Bluegum rd. An old man crossing the road cursed after him lamely. We sped on and nearly toppled him ourselves! He had four wheels, but we only had two. He took right on University dr. We followed. "Formation two!" shouted Detective Sergeant Kroon. I readied myself. He pulled on the front brake and sent me catapulting into the sky. I had never flown before, and did not know what to expect. But did you know you can flap your arms in such a way to propel yourself? And that is what I did. I reached the Sponkins-mobile and grabbed it by the rear spoiler. By golly I held that rear spoiler and didn't let go. Detective Sergeant Kroon was flying too, and I waited until he had a hold of the front spoiler. When he lifted the car off its wheels, Sponkins knew he was done for. He pulled over to the side and let himself into custody.

The crime was solved, and Detective Sergeant Kroon was given his medal and a promotion. So if you're ever in trouble, remember that Detective Captain Kroon will always be on the scene with a shovel to help clean up your mess.