This was written quite nicely. Such a short yet intimate piece. One could easily see the passion you have when reading this. Although, you can do better by formatting it properly. By separating the text into separate paragraphs, you can improve readability. Right now, it's just some big hunk of text, which is not a pretty sight to look at. It's a shame because underneath the huge block of text is a very well written gem.
You can still edit this if you want to, but I advise you to follow proper formatting in your next posts. It would undoubtedly bring you more readers. This is just a friendly reminder to help you grown in this platform.
PS I've just recently discovered the purpose of the gedwriting tag, so formatting your post would definitely help you with that initiative.
I rather enjoyed this story, good job! I did want to ask, if 'she' was a star falling into 'him' (being a black hole,) wouldn't this result in a disk around the black hole, perhaps with rays shooting out the top and bottom like the image below? Versus something like a supernova to create a nebula? (Please don't take this in a mean way..I'm just a science geek.)
There were a lot of he/she's in there, which I've ran into myself, that made it a little tough to read at points. Sometimes I try to reword things so I don't use as many pronouns, maybe make a name out of a blackhole or star name or number?
Online, it's hard to read solid blocks of text. Personally, I try to start a new paragraph (with an extra empty line) after every handful of sentences.
This was very unique and creative and I to see more of your stories!
I didn't want to give a definite identity to "her" and "him", evidently I didn't do it quite right. I'm not very experienced in writing, I wrote this on a whim for a school project that was four days overdue. Yes, that image would be more accurate but I didn't want to get into trouble for using owned or copyrighted pictures so I played it safe and used the other image. Thank you for your kind words. :)
I can understand not wanting to give them the specific identities, kind of figuring that's what you were going for. It still was a good read, so don't let that get you down. I'm more experienced with non-fiction writing myself, with only so much fiction under my belt.
What I do for pictures 'to be sure' there aren't copyright problems, just put what you're looking for into google, goto the images tab, hit tools and then change the 'usage rights' dropdown to 'labeled for reuse.' Everything you see will the be safe for you to use. :)
No problem, keep on writing. You're off to a great start.
This was written quite nicely. Such a short yet intimate piece. One could easily see the passion you have when reading this. Although, you can do better by formatting it properly. By separating the text into separate paragraphs, you can improve readability. Right now, it's just some big hunk of text, which is not a pretty sight to look at. It's a shame because underneath the huge block of text is a very well written gem.
You can still edit this if you want to, but I advise you to follow proper formatting in your next posts. It would undoubtedly bring you more readers. This is just a friendly reminder to help you grown in this platform.
PS I've just recently discovered the purpose of the
gedwritingtag, so formatting your post would definitely help you with that initiative.Aw thank you, I appreciate the advice. :)
You're welcome! I hope that helps you earn more votes :)
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I rather enjoyed this story, good job! I did want to ask, if 'she' was a star falling into 'him' (being a black hole,) wouldn't this result in a disk around the black hole, perhaps with rays shooting out the top and bottom like the image below? Versus something like a supernova to create a nebula? (Please don't take this in a mean way..I'm just a science geek.)
Source
Just a couple tiny things that came to mind:
There were a lot of he/she's in there, which I've ran into myself, that made it a little tough to read at points. Sometimes I try to reword things so I don't use as many pronouns, maybe make a name out of a blackhole or star name or number?
Online, it's hard to read solid blocks of text. Personally, I try to start a new paragraph (with an extra empty line) after every handful of sentences.
This was very unique and creative and I to see more of your stories!
I didn't want to give a definite identity to "her" and "him", evidently I didn't do it quite right. I'm not very experienced in writing, I wrote this on a whim for a school project that was four days overdue. Yes, that image would be more accurate but I didn't want to get into trouble for using owned or copyrighted pictures so I played it safe and used the other image. Thank you for your kind words. :)
I can understand not wanting to give them the specific identities, kind of figuring that's what you were going for. It still was a good read, so don't let that get you down. I'm more experienced with non-fiction writing myself, with only so much fiction under my belt.
What I do for pictures 'to be sure' there aren't copyright problems, just put what you're looking for into google, goto the images tab, hit tools and then change the 'usage rights' dropdown to 'labeled for reuse.' Everything you see will the be safe for you to use. :)
No problem, keep on writing. You're off to a great start.
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