The Third Book of the Alienbutt saga. Emperor of the Universe. Part 37.

EARTH OR HEETER?

Chapter 8

INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9 NEWS FLASH

The scientific community are at a loss to explain the sudden destabilisation of the planet RS465’s sun last month. The solar system was the last in the Targa quadrant to hold loyal to the old heretic Federation. When the destabilisation began the forces of Emperor Fluffy was in battle with the heretic forces. The system was considered vital for the launching of any attack on General Jee and the planet Earth. With the sun now on the verge of going supernova, the area is classified as a disaster area with neighbouring systems on high alert.
While scientists may be at a loss, religious organisations are claiming the destabilisation of the sun is the first miracle of Emperor Fluffy in the religious war against the heretics of the Federation. The effects of this miracle caused the collapse of the defending forces as the planet RS465 suffered massive climatic and seismic upheaval. At present, no word has come from Emperor Fluffy to confirm or deny the divine intervention in the war. In other news, Rundrick Gerkin, the former head of Interstellar News Channel 9 was found dead in his cell. It is believed Gerkin committed suicide. He was found suffocated after swallowing a jellyfish whole.

Frank looked up from the screen as Kirk walked into his laboratory carrying a tray with his requested bowl of soup. It hadn’t taken him long to build the chip reader for the crystal that Hydroponic had given him. Crystal memory chips had been used extensively in some parts of the Inner Systems and running the data through a universal language translator had given him access to the information on the greatest civilisation ever known.
“They destroyed themselves in a civil war,” Frank said with disappointment as Kirk placed the tray next to him.
“Don’t you carbon-based life-forms always end up doing that?” Kirk asked.
“I see your new attitude chip is working well,” Frank said as he picked up the bowl of soup. Not bothering with the spoon, he lifted and tipped it to drink directly from the bowl.
“Have you found what you are looking for? You have been studying the files for almost two days,” Kirk asked, his monotone voice sounded almost accusing to Frank.
“Is something wrong Kirk?” Frank asked, placing the half-drunk bowl of soup down. He wiped his bearded mouth with the sleeve of his lab coat which added to the bright orange stain already there.
“I was just observing that your search is taking a while and wondered if the computer processing speed was not up to scratch?” Kirk said and tilted his head to one side.
“The computer is fine, there is just a lot of information here to get through,” Frank replied. “As I refine the search options I’m down to under a million matches.” “That is good to know, it is good that you are here to work through all the data so quickly,” Kirk said stepping backwards.
“Although with my processors and the artificial intelligence I have developed; I could have catalogued all that data within twenty four hours. But I am more valuable for fetching bowls of soup and overseeing Alienbutt arguing with his arm.”
“Kirk, have you developed sarcasm?” Frank asked in shock.
“I believe I have,” Kirk said. “I believe it’s a by-product of my new attitude chip.”
“Well I’m not sure I like it, now let’s plug you into the computer and you can start transferring files,” Frank said gruffly. “I take it that today’s session with Alienbutt didn’t go well again.”
“It did last two minutes before Alienbutt began making threats, that’s a ten second improvement on yesterday.”

To be continued.
All images are mine.