John the Barman 2. A work in progress.

So a little taster of a work in progress.

Lucifer walked into his office to find Lilith standing waiting for him, without a pause he walked around his large desk and sat down.
“Well?” he demanded, “What the hell happened this time, you know I hate leaving Dancing on ice filming half way through.”
Lilith looked down at her feet and took a deep breath before speaking. “It’s the mime artist and Morris dancers again, they’ve had another fight. We’ve had to put the whole third circle into lock down.”
Lucifer slumped back into his chair, “What started it this time?”
“We’re not entirely sure,” Lilith began. “The mime artists aren’t talking and the Morris dancers are still all riled up and chanting ‘hi ho noddy noddy’ as they shake their bells.”
Lucifer’s anger boiled over and he slammed his fists down onto his desk causing Lilith to jump and a large earthquake to happen in the Pacific.
“I will not have gang warfare in my prison!” he shouted, “I want to know who started it this time and I don’t care what you need to do to find out.”

Lilith gave a cold evil smile and nodded before turning and walking out of the office. Once outside she beckoned over her lead minion who stood waiting.
“Time to teach those inmates who runs this joint, the big man has given us a free hand. All mime artists are to have their faces washed and all make-up removed from their cells.” She said with cold delight.
The minion swallowed nervously but nodded. “And what about the Morris dancers?”
“Cut their bloody bells off.” Lilith answered coldly noting the look of fear in the minions face. “We are through pussyfooting around, this time we make them suffer. I want all available demons in for this as it’s going to be bloody but when it’s done every lost soul down here will know we mean business.”
“What about the civil rights mob, won’t they kick up a stink about this?” The minion asked quietly.
“After what we are about to do they won’t dare say a word, Lucifer has given me free reign to do whatever it takes.” Lilith said.
“But what if they resist us doing this?” The minion asked sounding a little worried.
“That’s what I’m banking on them doing, now go sharpen your pitchfork and make sure the burning oil pits are on maximum.” Lilith said happily.
The minion straightens up and gave a half smile. “It will be like the old days and the purge of Philistines.”
“We’ll make that purge look like an afternoon tea party, before the end of the day all of hell will tremble at what we are about to do.” Lilith said eagerly.

Lucifer sat back in his chair and drummed his fingers on the table absently as he considered where he had gone wrong, he’d tried to be fair and move with the times. Gone was the constant torture and punishment as he had implemented a reward system in return for good behaviour.

Yet for some reason the Morris dancers managed to pick fights no matter where they were housed. Inherited from the old Celtic gods they were small in number but still one of the most wild and vicious gangs in Hell. Since the first of them had begun to arrive they had been trouble and he had been forced to confiscate their sticks centuries ago after the Great Whitsun riot where they had attacked the lawyer’s equality march.

It wasn’t as if he was in favour of lawyers gaining equality with other lost souls but where the dancers had shoved those sticks still made his eyes water even now. The lawyers never got their equality and still had to work ‘pro bono’ dealing with the constant retrials and appeals of the lost souls who thought they shouldn’t be in hell.

After the riot though, as a token for the injuries the lawyers had suffered he had offered any lawyer who won their case and got their defendant off the promise of their own freedom. The lawyers had risen to the challenge but to date no lawyer ever won a case. As he was the judge and jury in all cases it wasn’t supprising but you had to give people hope, even if it was false hope.

The trouble with the Morris dancers though was they were adaptable. Without their sticks they had just learnt to use their handkerchiefs as weapons and many of his demons had received an injury from a well flicked handkerchief with a brick stitched into it. What he needed was a permanent solution to what to do with the Morris dancers before all hell broke loose in Hell. He knew Lilith would quieten things down for a while by going back to the old ways, this return to violence would also lift the moral of his overstretched demons.

What Lucifer needed though with this time was some space to relax and think, just a week or so away from the constant demands of running hell. He’d have to settle for a few drinks at John’s Bar for now and before the first of the prisoner delegations turned up wanting an audience to discuss Lilith’s actions.

Thanks for reading, the first short story of John the Barman is posted by me here on steemit.