A Day in the Life of a Shill Doctor
G'day Team,
Today I wanted to do something different and have a bit of fun. I've written the following post by imagining what some of the anti-vax and anti-science crackpots that I've run across on steemit, facebook and even in real life might think the day of a doctor involves.
So without Further ado let me introduce our Doctor.
9.15 AM
I wake up slowly, letting the whale noises wash over me and crawl out of bed, trying my best not to wake up my girlfriend... or her sister.
9.30 AM
Breakfast is ready when I get downstairs and my Sweedish maid, Tracy, is on hand with my clothes and lunch for the day.I make sure to give Tracy a kick on the way out... just to keep her in her place.
I'll take the Aston today.
10.00 AM
I arrive at my Palace of Medicine, a queue of patients is waiting outside but I make sure to dawdle to show them who's in charge.
10.15 AM
My first patient comes in. A young woman who's come to see about going on The Pill. I give her a double dose [double the profits ;)] and send her on her way. I check my bank to ensure Big Pharma has given me my incentive, and move on.
10.30 AM
A check-up with a boy I vaccinated last week. The vaccine appears to be working, and early signs of autism are clear, he'll be a patient for life now. Another win (cha-ching $$$) ;)
10.45 AM
An elderly, obese and diabetic gentleman arrives with severe crushing chest pain which is radiating down his left arm. No idea what it is, but I don't think it'll make me any money. I let the nurses handle it.
11.00 AM
My receptionist informs me the waiting room is full. But it's time to take my tea break.
It's called a waiting room for a reason
2.30 PM
My tea-break over, I have a meeting with a Rep from Big Pharma. He goes over techniques to fend off questions from the sheeple before things get jovial and we end up rolling around in wads of money and aborted fetus fluid. Things only progress from here. A good meeting :)
12.45 PM
I hide the kneepads and bottles of lube as I'm introduced to a young man with signs of the Flu. He needs 1000cc of Vitamin C.
I send him home with Amoxicillin, Gentamycin and Augmentin... and Ceftriaxone.. and Ciprofloxacin just for good measure [and because I want the sunroof option on my new Porche ;) ].
1.30 PM
A woman present with her four-year-old for a check-up and I notice he's not had his DTaP vaccine. I mention this to his mother as I turn to grind the monkey kidneys and rat brain.
She responds "We don't vaccinate"
I freeze... there are protocols for this.
"I'm sorry, but why have you made that decision, vaccines save lives you know". I say
"Umm... No, they don't. I've done my research. I don't want to take the risks" She responds
Shit! We've got a thinker, I have to act quickly. I offer her a glass of water, hoping the fluoride will make her a little more docile. She refuses.
I think back to my earlier conversation with my mate from Big Pharma.
"I'm sorry Alice, but I am a Doctor. I really think you should trust me!" I flash her my best smile
"No! I know Diptheria isn't deadly anyway. Why don't you do your research?"
I'm lost for words now! What the hell is a 'Diptheria" and what does it have to do with our conversation? I try to push on!
"Are you sure you want to risk your child dying" I change tactics and get angry.
"My friend Lucy has a vaccine injured child, I know what Big Pharma puts in those vaccines! I know the harm they cause and I'm not letting my son be touched." She responds expertly, cutting my argument to the core.
But how could she know this? How could they let these details slip! I'm beginning to falter in the face of such incredible critical thinking.
"I... I don't know what you're talking about. Vaccines are perfectly healthy.... I am a doctor".
I quickly flick to her file on 'Big-Pharma-Tracking'. She has a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Communication... I'm screwed! My best option now is a hasty retreat.
I hit the panic button and an alarm goes off in the emergency room.
"I'm sorry Alice, there's an emergency I must attend" I make a run for it, sweating profusely.
A camera in my office will have identified Alice and sent an image to Big-Pharma-Headquarters... she won't be bothering anyone with her incredible intelligence and deductive reasoning again!
2.00 PM
I wait till the coast is clear they see a young boy with clear signs of pesticide poisoning and chemtrail toxicity
I flag the government to recruit him for the
2.15 PM
I'm tired so I close down for the day, sending home everyone in the waiting room.
3.00 PM
I spend the evening golfing with Monsanto scientists, where we discuss a new form of early onset dementia we're trying to develop.
5.00 PM
I arrive home to lobster and caviar on a two foot saffron base. My wife tells me our son Timmy has been bullying again, so I slip him $10 and congratulate him on practicing his 'crushing-of-the-weak'.
10.00 PM
I consume some crushed Rhino horn before bed with the wife (and friends).
Thanks
Thanks, team, I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. For more please follow me and feel free to leave comments below.
Thanks
-tfc
This is perfect! :D :D
More of these please
I had so much for writing it so, yes, many more :)
Good job. My mother is a physician close to retirement and I know how it works, I heard all the theories by now!
Kudos for Rhino horn, cracked me up completely! :D
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it :)
I was just reading an article about how truth doesn't make us change our minds. Sadly it's in Romanian, from our biggest fact checker, but I think that the issue is also the fact that believing in something extraordinary, in a global new world order is an escape from the easy explanation that they made poor choices that affected and keep affecting their lives.
I don't think this is an exploding incidence of mental problems ( grandeur of persecution or other manias ). but people without an education or a voice in the past are now able to gather together using the internet and get to easily disseminate their ideas to others like them. Less education means less rational thought because of lesser understanding of how things work.
So again, all revolves around education and I hope Steemit might have a better reach to those seeking answers. I was labeled as "loving myself" for saying I had answers others wanted :(
I've read similar articles about cognitive bias!
I have often thought the same thing. It's much easier for people to believe that they're being conspired against, than to recognize that their efforts for health/ wealth or success have been insufficient. I'd also say people under-appreciate how much of a role luck plays in become successful and as such they rather a 'fair' explanation than to accept that it's not always a matter of people who work hardest becoming the healthies/ wealthiest or most successful.
Unfortunately a lot of people with odd ideas band together in echo chambers on the internet, so the best chance I think we have is addressing them in irl. At least then they're prepared to listen sometimes.
Thanks for commenting!
Gosh. It would be really creepy if MY doctor thinks that way. But I believe in the goodwill of people and know there are not many Dr. Allen Roberts out there :) Thanks for the fun read!
No porblems :)
I know some doctors are more financially motivated than others, but almost none will place the health of a patient at risk in order to make money. Dodgy doctors target the government not patients :)
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done
Wait a second, just a 4 hour work day? And you get to wake up with a GF and go to bed with a wife? That's not a doctor's (fictitious) lifestyle, that's a rock star's life!
I can't understand how some people think a doctor's life is easy. They obviously have no idea.
Haha I'd agree 100%
I'm in a tiny town in outback Australia at the moment. The two doctors supervising me work 80+ hour weeks and are on call 24/7... very stressful life!
Spam and copyright post.
Alrighty, @rajesharma this ends here...
The reason your comments got flagged was that you had quite literally copy and pasted these comments 150 times
... now not only is this unoriginal and spammy content, but you'd neither upvoted nor followed the people you'd said you were going to.
Now I only flagged a fraction of your posts, just the ones I came across while reading #introduceyourself posts from new users who'd actually gone to an effort to make good posts. You cannot disrespect people's effort by replicating a single comment to everyone.
Now you asked me about this, and I responded and that should have been the end of the issue. You should have started producing quality content and your reputation would recover.
Unfortunately, you seem to have launched a misguided attempt at criticizing a few of my posts...
Now, none of my posts are unoriginal, none are duplicated and none are low-quality. So you can forget trying to convince anyone of that. You've also flagged my posts and while this has little to no impact on either my reputation or my payout, I just think it's kind of petty and pathetic, so unflag them.
I'd prefer people didn't read your untruthful insults on my posts, so they will be flagged and your reputation will drop further.
I will not waste any more of my SP on this debate seeing as your recent posts actually seem to be legitimate original content and you've stopped copy and pasting on other people's posts. I'd prefer to spend my SP curating GOOD content that people have put an effort into than to waste it on filtering out the garbage.
That's the end of the issue. Enjoy your time on steem, put in a legitimate effort and you'll get rewarded well. Keep posting junk and steemcleaners or cheetah will catch up with you and then a reputation of 21 will seem like a dream!
Stop spamming posts with copy-and-paste comments!
Alrighty, @rajesharma this ends here...
The reason your comments got flagged was that you had quite literally copy and pasted these comments 150 times
... now not only is this unoriginal and spammy content, but you'd neither upvoted nor followed the people you'd said you were going to.
Now I only flagged a fraction of your posts, just the ones I came across while reading #introduceyourself posts from new users who'd actually gone to an effort to make good posts. You cannot disrespect people's effort by replicating a single comment to everyone.
Now you asked me about this, and I responded and that should have been the end of the issue. You should have started producing quality content and your reputation would recover.
Unfortunately, you seem to have launched a misguided attempt at criticizing a few of my posts...
Now, none of my posts are unoriginal, none are duplicated and none are low-quality. So you can forget trying to convince anyone of that. You've also flagged my posts and while this has little to no impact on either my reputation or my payout, I just think it's kind of petty and pathetic, so unflag them.
I'd prefer people didn't read your untruthful insults on my posts, so they will be flagged and your reputation will drop further.
I will not waste any more of my SP on this debate seeing as your recent posts actually seem to be legitimate original content and you've stopped copy and pasting on other people's posts. I'd prefer to spend my SP curating GOOD content that people have put an effort into than to waste it on filtering out the garbage.
That's the end of the issue. Enjoy your time on steem, put in a legitimate effort and you'll get rewarded well. Keep posting junk and steemcleaners or cheetah will catch up with you and then a reputation of 21 will seem like a dream!