Thank you, Alex. You triggered a very important topic, which you called "cold culture". I wrote a really long comment on that. I hope you like to follow my thoughts. Sorry that I did not comment your other thoughts and statements but that one of yours struck me the most.

If we were honest with each other, we would say: Look, it flatters me when another woman/other man finds me attractive and interesting. Apart from that, other people are a source of inspiration and our diversity draws us to many people. In the pool of people with whom we surround ourselves, we find personalities that we consider worthy of friendship and close relationship. To sacrifice such things, to force oneself to deny a certain sexual energy, to consciously avoid the opposite sex because it could give rise to jealousy, is counterproductive from my point of view.

Probably the most important reason to analyze jealousy and not to let it into a relationship as a dominant force is: it destroys trust. Moreover, we live such distanced relationships with others that isolate two people. Where an entire village once met the needs of man and woman, where a superior spiritual attitude satisfied the spiritual, ethical and philosophical needs of people, where people secured their material and existential desires through self-sufficiency, gave themselves meaning in a social group, this is now to be ensured by man and woman alone in reciprocity.

The partner must be everything: a good lover, an affectionate interlocutor, an encourager and affirmative, someone who gives security and comfort, someone who is a confessor, counsellor and both financially and emotionally available and who knows what else. All these roles, which could be occupied by many other people, should be united in one individual. Jealousy is thus a disruptive factor that prevents the burden from being taken off the shoulders of the man and woman, because the multiplicity of needs is better spread over several shoulders than in the isolation of a relationship of two.

If the Church Fathers had not disturbed this village life by installing the institution of marriage, jealousy would not have become such a big problem, I assume. But the monogamous marriage and the securing of patrilineal succession inevitably resulted in the husband's wife becoming property. In my opinion, this construct led to the fact that women and children were from then on regarded as property and the women could not freely stay with other villagers without being accused of an offence. On the other hand, the men were allowed to move more freely and could not only practise their own infidelity but even legitimise it. Unfair.

I do not know of a single positive case of jealousy. All those who have to deal with it find it difficult either for themselves or for their partner and reduce the quality of the relationship. It is, if you like, a very damaging quality that prevents us from establishing close relationships with the opposite sex and also same sex.

If we were honest, we would all want to learn to accept that the sexual energy that is felt between the sexes remains an issue as long as you have a sexual need, regardless of whether or not you live in a settled relationship. Regardless of which sex.

In a time that I personally call a sexual high time, I had a strong need to have experiences of a sexual nature, not to bind myself. Even later in my settled relationship, this need and curiosity did not diminish. If it hadn't been immoral, I would have slept with a man I would have liked whenever I felt like it. For most people, this sex drive lasts for many years, if it ever stops at all. Jealousy is the bondage and the destructive power that demonize these human impulses and then try to dress in morality.

From a biological point of view, both men and women have such drives. Jealousy is certainly also instinctive, I would like to stress that. But I ask the question: if jealousy is justified as an instinctive defensive reaction, it is less justified if a couple is not in isolation. The protection of the group, the integration into a social community and the possibility to maintain social as well as sexual relations within this community distributes this "claim to possession" or fear of social abandonment among several people. Therefore, the monogamous relationship of two is even predestined for jealous acts and feelings, because if we threaten to lose this one partner, at the same time we are threatened with the complete end of intimacy, protection, opportunities for conversation, a lively home, contact with parents-in-law and the siblings of the partner, etc., etc. We may lose our children because they live with the other parent from now on, etc.

All this should make you think: The result of this instinctive feeling, however, cannot be that jealousy is simply accepted or not accepted. The result of recognizing jealousy must be that everyone, man and woman, strives to create enough social binding outside the relationship who are felt to be useful and helpful for the eventualities of life. So it is always necessary to have contact and dependence with others. I recently told a woman whose husband separated from her that she should not decide that her husband should no longer have a relationship with her parents and siblings. Since the two have children, this is also necessary. Nothing is worse for people than social isolation.

Modern relationships tend to be socially isolated. Especially when there are no offspring involved. The need to maintain regular meetings with the families of origin is not necessarily seen as desirable. Friendships come and go. Many things remain non-binding. These relationships, which you talk about and where people change their partners like underpants, reflect exactly this.

There are solutions, you see. But to even concentrate more on the partner, certainly is not one. Which is what many people think.