On Being Small And Unseen
The Tao of Slow
While the yang-hustle certainly is seen to get results, perhaps there is also virtue and need for ‘slow’ in our lives. The slow life challenges the dominant paradigm that we need to be constantly achieving, always busy, always seen.
Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash
From little things, big things grow — Paul Kelly
Musing on invisibility further, I realised that I have spent most of my life being ‘unseen’ by others. For so many years my actions and achievements have gone largely unnoticed. I don’t believe I ever noticed that it was a problem up until my 20’s, when I began to desire notoriety. I wanted to be seen.
For twenty or so years, I was driven with gaining attention — and yet, most likely remained more-or-less invisible despite my efforts.
So in recent months as I choose to deliberately be unseen, the difference in my state has been obvious. I am calmer, my nervous system is more at ease, and I feel that there is a higher level of quality to how I spend my time.
Perhaps I spent all that time fighting against my innate introvert nature? Not sure, but something to meditate on, to be sure.
What I realised the push-back began was when I would be accused of not doing something, when I know I had. I was that invisible, that even my achievements and actions were so also. Perhaps this is what drove me to be more noticed.
When I reflect back on my life, I realise I have achieved quite a lot — more than most people. But no one has noticed that. And so in the eyes of others, I have not achieved much at all…. “what have you done with your life…?” they ask. Thus forming the belief that I have done nothing. Because I have been unseen.
This refelction has been enlightening, and tells me more of the motivations and perceptions of others who I’ve let influence me for so long. These others reflect that general societal attitude which I describe as “yang”:
Push, hustle, sell, be seen, play large, step up, keep going, keep doing, don’t stop, soldier on, kill or be killed …
No wonder I found so many of former clients were always exhausted. No wonder there are so many ‘diseases of lifestyle’ that are literally killing our population and putting a strain on health budgets across the (first) world.
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, this yang apporach to life may serve some people well — maybe they’re ‘extroverts’, or the ones we label with ADHD, or the driven ones who have certain skills to keep human civilisation moving forwards, ever onwards.
But I would argue there are others who can best contribute to our world in another way, a quieter way, a slower way. Or maybe we all need to spend a little time being this yin way from time to time. Who’s to say.
“Humble Greatness”
I’m reminded of the words of Lao Zi:
Knowing the manly, but clinging to the womanly, you become the valley of the world.
Being the valley of the world, eternal virtue will never desert you, and you become like a little child anew.
Knowing the bright, but clinging to the dark, you become a model to the world.
Being a model to the world, eternal virtue will never falter in you, and you return to the boundless.
Knowing honor, but clinging to disgrace, you become the valley of the world.
Being the valley of the world, eternal virtue will be full in you, and you return to the state of uncarved wood.
— Tao Te Ching, chapter 28
Whilst this text has been critiqued for millennia as promoting a naturalistic, ‘drop-out’ approach to social problems, it would be good to consider that the Tao Te Ching was a book written essentially for those in power. The text is peppered with statements on how the “good ruler” should behave with humility. It’s primary message is that it is humility and ‘smallness’ that will — paradoxically — lead to success and fame.
In fact, there are many Taoist texts with stories and parables that illustrate this point further. It seems the early Taoists of the 3rd-1st Centuries BCE were quite vociferous on this notion.
What I have come to realise is that the problem is not so much being seen/not seen; rather, who am I being seen by? In marketing terms, it’s the notion of know thy market. There is no point of writing good copy if the wrong people are reading it, just as much as if no one is.
There are plenty of people in my life who I love being seen by: my daughter, my partner, my family and closest friends. These people’s opinions matter, because their presence in my life matters. I’m not used to being seen and receiving positive feedback, so it’s a bit of an edge for me, after spending so long being seen by only those who criticised and cut me down. It’s OK for me to be unseen by the wider world, because I know that who I am being seen by matters more to me. These people see my true nature and celebrate it.
It seems to me we need to bring a bit of balance to our world, and we can start by releasing the attachment to the yang-hustle. There is a place for slow, for being humble, and for not achieving anything great at all. As long as it’s authentic and aligned to your true nature. If you ever feel the pressure to perform or achieve, listen to the people who matter, as well as trusting your instinct. You may realise that you’re already doing what you need to be doing.
I extend the invitation to consider the following, and share your thoughts in the comments section below:
- Do you really need to ‘step up’? Is it imperitive that you ‘be seen’?
- If you need to be seen, then by whom? What will you ultimately gain by being seen by these people?
- Is it really a big deal if you’re not famous and don’t contribute anything of any importance in the world?
Originally published by Petah Raven on June 12, 2018.
Posted from my blog PANDORA'S LOST GIFT with SteemPress : http://metametheus.net/on-being-small-and-unseen/
Thank you! This is precisely what I needed to see today. I love these lines:
💙
Posted using Partiko iOS
Blessings @mountainjewel 😊🙏🏽☯️
I really relate to this because I feel pressured to be 'seen' in that yang way, yet I thrive more in other ways. I have worried about how I am 'seen' by others, yet is how I am seen by myself and those closest to me that really, really matter, as you say. Any of the things I do in the larger arena of life are more often noticed by them than others anyway, who forget to say, perhaps, 'I see your efforts, and value them' because they are too busy to notice, or perhaps too busy with their own validations.
I'm reminded of Priam of Troy in David Malouf's reimagining of the ransom of Hector's body, mainly as I'm teaching this text at the moment. Torn by duty and obligation to his kingdom, and how he is 'meant' be in the public eye, Priam instead journeys to the Greek Camp without the adornings that show him in his sparkling eminence of his power - a very male, spotlighted, yang presence of authority. Instead, he journeys as an ordinary carter and an old man, mourning his losses, seeking empathy from Achilles and showing understanding too of the 'yang', sunlit world of male space, leadership, the eyes of the world watching him trample the honour of warriors into the dust with his daily atrocities. In the smoky candlelight of the Greek tent, in the hush and awe, the two men speak. Both are filled with anxiety - their kingdoms are dependent on them, their men, their worlds. Yet for a moment, they are simply two men, with fellow feeling. The truce brings temporary relief to them - they are able to be more fully themselves, and though they know their stories will persist throughout time, it is a very deeply personal peace and return to their true selves that is of value to them in this moment, behaving as men should do, with pity for one another's losses. In the end Achilles thinks of his son, and how his actions influence him - it is this sacred bond between fathers and sons that means most to him, and his duty as a man who is subject to mortality like any other man. He is remembered in time, yes, but the peace is so yin and deeply personal in the shadows of that tent, before he must go back out into the world. The real value of this exchange is in this quiet space between two men, independent of the roles they have to play as kings and warriors.
In the end, Troy still falls. Neoptolemus still murders Priam. Society falls to bloodshed, rape and mayhem. But just for a moment, what matters most is that human space, those human bonds, more than anything else.
I don't know, this is just what I'm thinking about as I am immersed in my marking, and I can't help but apply everything to that moment, and it's interesting to look at that exchange as yin and yang too. Priam is described as a child entering the world of ordinary men, 'entering the world anew'.
Yes! Epic reply! Bringing Homer into it... I firkin' LOVE the divergent thinking that goes on around here.
That scene is definitely what sets The Iliad apart from so much other pieces of classical literature.
And such a poignant section of the story today, with so much vitriol and divisiveness going on.
How do we get seen? Who sees us? And what would happen if we were seen in our raw, naked, vulnerable states?
This kind of anxiety around "being seen" feels like a disorder of the age we live in, everyone is displaying their best side online, and some are getting more and more self-obsessed taking selfies and maybe even developing a narcissistic personality trait thanks to this culture. I also feel like narcissistic families often create a vacuum where the narcissistic parent/parents refuse to "see" one of their children or not to give them approval or validation, "you are never good enough", or just not even visible, just as you are describing, it will probably affect the invisible-child's adult life... I say just do what ever you want and try not to depend too much on other peoples validation.
Nice turtle by the way!
/FF
Our achievement should be seen by our dear ones,family members.In fact for them only we do things. @metametheus
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by 📀 Petah Raven [metametheus] from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.
Hi @friendly-fenix thanks for your comment, really appreciate it!
I agree that our social media world inherently relies on a degree of this sort of thing. I reckon it’s something that’s been around as long as we all have been.
Narcissistic qualities aren’t inherently a bad thing, there is probably contexts where that’s generative in appropriate measure... I guess that’s what we would refer to as a degree of self-worth. What do you think?
Posted using Partiko iOS