When my oldest was maybe 5 or 6 (so 2003 or 4), he came to me one day and said, "Mommy, I know it's not ok to kill people, but wouldn't it be ok to just kill Dick Cheney?" That's when I knew it was time to tone down my rhetoric.

Anyway, funny stories aside, I totally get you. It's more attachment parenting and less authoritarian parenting. It works better, and it feels better. I want my kids to follow me because we respect each other and they trust the value of my words and my judgement, not because they're afraid or intimidated.