100 DAYS OF POETRY: DAY 36 - Freedom's Respite
Freedom’s Respite
By Stephen Martin
We often get loud around here.
I wish it were not so—
Let’s adjust our method
Let’s think before we speak
Let’s restrict our freedom a bit.
I want the peace of a quiet stream
I don’t want bulldozers on a construction site.
We can go around
Or we can stop and breathe
For as long as it takes to ease
The sharp edges
Into the corner pockets
Jamming them in is causing pierced skin
Or bruises that take too long to heal.
I put olive oil in a pan
And cook you an omelet.
Images used from Pixabay under CC0 Creative Commons License
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So intriguing. 😎
I was at the live critique yesterday but was a little too shy to share my thoughts. I express myself better with the written word anyway.
I sensed that this was coming from a more personal perspective at home, but though that may have been the setting it certainly did not limit its application to a more universal theme.
As noted in class the “corner pocket” does have a strong connection to billiards. I would either find a better analogy, maybe sticking to the idea of construction, or go with it completely.
If you stick with the billiards theme you may have to remove the sharp edges and speak more of the contrast between violently and perhaps aimlessly hitting the balls into the pockets as opposed to gentle and intentional.
Overall I really liked this poem and your writing style. I appreciate the rawness and down to earth tone of all your poetry.
Thank you for your insights. I felt much the same way about the billiards imagery. I'm not sure if I want to change it, or clear it up more, or just let it be. You are right, the poem was more personal, but I did want it to read universally as well. 😎
This piece was fun in it's structure and very satisfying to me. Also made me really want an omelette!
Although the line...
"Let’s restrict our freedom a bit."
sent a lil chill through my bones lol :)
The restriction would be totally voluntary. Lol.
I could do with that omlet right now. had a weaird one for breakfast with mushrooms trying this whole no carbs thing. You know what I like about your poems, they are very easy to understand, I don't have to guess and ponder.
Thank you. I like mushrooms in my omelets.
I guess it was the type , really thin
Delicious looking omelet. But the poem is way more tasty I am sure.
Oh i crave for that silence at times, nice words @acousticsteveo