Do We Really Know Listen to Others?

Imagine that you go to a doctor's office. As soon as you tell him where it hurts, without more, he gives you a prescription with the medicines you need for your treatment.

"Calm down, friend," he tells you when you do not understand how he made the prescription without a diagnosis, "The same thing happened to me as you did, and it's taken away from me when I take those medicines."

Do you trust your prescription? Of course not; you can not if you do not diagnose first.

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To make a diagnosis the doctor must learn the facts, must understand what happens to the patient. Do tests, exams, auscultations, questions; all with the intention of understanding what happens to your patient. The key word is "understand first".

After being sure you understand the symptoms in a comprehensive manner, it is when you will make a medical prescription.

The moment came when the message of this post begins. I already explained the importance of understanding first to be able to give an opinion, advice or solution to a problem.

When a friend comes to tell us about a problem, we tend to believe that we understand him, when in reality, what we do is listen carefully to his words and interpret them from our point of view.

What has served us, does not mean that to others too. Every person is a world.

The saying "put yourself in the shoes of your neighbor", we should take it more literally. What you wear and you have a great time, does not mean that your friend will be well. If you are going to give him a new pair of shoes, it is best to find out first what he is wearing, why he wants them; In short, find the information and understand it to give you what you need.

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When we listen, we tend to interpret and evaluate the speaker. We confuse that with understanding, we rush. Understanding not only what you say, but also what you feel in your person, is the key to empathic listening.

If we can listen to him with his mind and heart, that person will open up and trust what we are going to tell him. Now she will be willing to listen to us, and therefore, she will understand us.

Trying to be a good listener using techniques, without making him understand that we really want to understand him first, is going to make him close. We will lose your trust, and feel that we want to manipulate you. Sure you have already perceived the intention of manipulation when you come across a listener who tries to apply the famous techniques of the good listener.

Only when the listener is sure that it was understood will he be willing to listen to us and understand us.

This part is important, because we want to be understood, right?

Is it worth the effort to become experts in empathic listening? Remember that communication is the most important.

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Listening with the intention of understanding is one of the most difficult communication activities. There are few who manage to dominate them and make them a habit. Meanwhile, those of us who are learning, will be listening to your words, feeling and the meaning of your message.

Let's say to the person we want to understand, that we want to be sure of understanding their situation. That will relax you and you can express yourself without the fear of being evaluated or interpreted.

I will also point out that there are listeners who have the habit of paying attention to answer. They do not care what their interlocutor feels, what they want is basic information to answer. They are people who believe that they are good listeners because they pay attention to what they are told, but their failure is in the purpose.

Those who do not know how to listen with their minds and hearts, that is, with logic and feelings, will say that people do not understand them. It is not understood because others close instinctively when they meet someone who does not take the effort to understand.

It is a habit that demands voluntary attention and perseverance. Listening to each other's shoes seems simple, and many believe that they are doing it, when they only pay attention from a personal point of view.

This is how they provide solutions that are really good, their advice is logical, they make sense, but not at all successful, because they do not understand what is happening in their interlocutor's life.

Avoid supposing. Just tell us 4 words, we have the verdict. That precipitation does not allow us to understand, the brain turned off the mode of understanding because he already thinks he understood the message.

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Finally, it is good to understand that the human being is motivated by the needs that are not met. If you are not hungry, and your cupboard is full of food, food will not be a stimulating factor for you to go to work.

With this, I want to emphasize, that people are moved, they get excited for what they lack. What can they be needing? Most of them lack the level of psychological survival.

If you can fill the gap that people have in their need to be understood, valued and appreciated; you will get their attention and willingness to understand and listen to you. It is the moment when they receive how you fill their psychological vacuum, open their confidence, increase their appreciation of you and are more than willing to have a frank and open communication with you.

Friend steemian, learn to listen you need to practice, although the results you could have today if you are attentive when you are an empathic listener next time.

The idea is to make it a habit to try to understand first, then be understood.

To learn more about this interesting topic, consult the work of Stephen R. Covey, "The 7 habits of highly effective people"; In the fifth habit, you will find more detailed information.

Greetings, I wait for you in my next post.