Know how the permanent demands of parents can have harmful consequences for children in the future.

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In a world that values ​​results excessively and that stimulates competitiveness from the beginning, children run the risk of becoming perfectionists, thanks to the permanent demands of parents.

The demand for excellence can be manifested through excessive criticism of school performance, sports and artistic work or comparisons with other children.

"We know that children are reflected in their parents, so the children of people who are very demanding with themselves can become as demanding as they are.

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But, contrary to what one might think, perfectionism is not a quality and can generate harmful consequences throughout life, even compromise future relationships.

The basis of this behavior is insecurity and low self-esteem. "Perfectionism is not healthy, it is not real, it is an idealization, we are not perfect and we never will be, we can be excellent in some things and not in others, and that does not take away our value".

Children and adolescents Perfectionist.

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They are never satisfied and even if they achieve excellent results they feel guilt for not achieving the ideal of perfection they demand, thus reproducing the existing pattern of expectations in the relationship with the parents.

Another problem caused by perfectionism is procrastination, the act of constantly postponing tasks.

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"For fear of making mistakes, perfectionist children are delayed beyond the account to perform a function, no matter how meticulous they are, they run little risk, they need to have everything under control and guarantees of perfection, which can hinder the realization of their dreams and wishes.

Constructive criticism, recognition in the correct measure

These constructive and well-founded stimulations are welcome and are part of the child's education.

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"Criticize when necessary, yes, but with affection and welcome, highlight the qualities and effort, the healthy thing is to teach the child to do the best, perfecting their talents".

The school psychotherapist tells me:
__ Parents should look at the child as he really is, by his potentials and limits, taking into account the stage of development in which he is and their individual characteristics.

Very important recommendation:

You have to be very careful with: "Constant criticism can lead the child to believe that he is incapable and that what he is doing is never good enough".

"Emotional stress can even cause harm to the child's health, not to mention that excessive control can function as a counter-control, that is, in front of the parents, the child assumes a role, but, very far, adopts a contrary stance" .

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"There are parents who can even recognize what children do, but always leaving a final comment that indicates a negative point, they do not do it badly, but as the employer is tall, they are naturally disappointed and believe that the result of the child could have been best ".

Our role as parents is to help our children to have the conditions to organize themselves to carry out their tasks and activities independently. Excessive criticism generates the opposite effect.

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"Parents who praise without judgment are equally harmful, do not teach their children how to handle frustrations, and pass the idea that they have no expectations about them and that is terrible, because they will not have expectations in relation to themselves."

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These lines left me thinking at the same time that I wrote and prepared this topic, why? Because we never stop learning Today I am a father and when I was little I did not have the opportunity to have the guidance that my children have today, but I still thank God for my parents for what they did for me, for their effort in what they could educate myself, and I still continue, striving to educate myself with the best, so I tell my children.

Source information

• https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/overly-controlling-parents-cause-their-children-lifelong-psychological-damage-says-study-10485172.html