Part Three: Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Parent. Its OK to Change Your Mind

Welcome to Part Three of my series: Things I wish I knew before becoming a parent. These are simple little almost nothings that would have made life as a parent easier for me, if I had fully understood them. In Part One I shared about how instant love is a myth. In Part Two I shared about how children don't fulfill you.

Today, Im writing about the importance of letting yourself change your mind.

It is perfectly ok to change your mind

Something that I hear a lot of parents talk about is consistency. If you want to be an effective parent, you have to be consistent with your child.

Be consistent with your consequences.

Be consistent with your expectations.

Be consistent with what your children can expect from you.

Be consistent with your rules.

Be consistent with dinner time.

Be consistent with medical and dental visits.

Be consistent with your consistency

All of those things are great. But they used to make me feel like it was a big deal to change my mind. If my daughter got in trouble for going into the fridge last week, then if she does it again this week, she should get in trouble. Consistent rules, consistently give for well rounded children.

But. What if after calling your child's attention for getting into the fridge without permission, you realize that you don't really care if they help themselves to some snacks? Well, then, even though it doesn't work for other people, you change your rules and adjust.

For me, it works better for my children to have a piece of fruit whenever they feel hungry, as long as they are going to finish the whole piece of fruit and I don't have the fruit saved for a specific dish (they know). Its easier for me, for them, and for their sugar levels if they can consume fruit when they feel like they need to.

I was forcing myself to stop and help them with all of their snacks because that was the "right" way to do it. Well, the "right" way doesn't work for me, so I simply let myself change my mind about what was "right."

I change the rules a lot

And that is ok with me, and that is ok with my children.

Sometimes while stumbling through life, I realize that some of my house rules exist simply because they existed in my parents' house.

Some of those rules flew out the door pretty easy. Like how a kid should wear their hair, or when dresses should be worn.

Others took a long time, but left anyway: "Children should go to school."

Some rules, I got rid of, then brought right back. "No sleepovers."

Ok, you can have a sleepover. Then back. NO SLEEPOVERS.

One thing is very consistent. My kids know that I love them and that the reason the rules change is because I am adjusting to what I think is best for them.

You don't have to explain your change of mind to anyone, including yourself

Because is a perfectly good answer. I REALLY do have a bunch of reasons for not letting my kids go to sleepovers.

Really though, the main reason, is that it doesn't feel good in my gut.

I let my children question me, all the time. They can ask me why as many times as they want. But I don't have to answer them. And if I answer, because it doesn't feel right, then they have to accept that answer.

Why?

Because some things you just know. And its ok to just know.

It feels like a silly permission really

It feels a little like common sense that its ok to change your mind, but I still had a hard time with it. Maybe its because I feel consistency is important. Maybe its because I was taught to keep my word. Maybe its because I felt that changing my mind made me weak and like I didn't know what I was doing.

Maybe it was because I wasn't confident in my parenting and needed some type of outside authority to tell me I was doing a good job. How could I disagree with my parents, or schools, or society? Well, I just do.

And if one day, I want to go back to doing the way I did things before, then I will. Its ok to change your mind and then change your mind BACK.

I am very happy for letting my parenting evolve the way it has. I am happy that I gave myself permission to change.

Do you give yourself permission to change your mind?