Interesting article for both stepchildren and stepparents to read.

I noticed you didn't tap into the advantages that having two sets of parents can often bring to children. Many adapt well to the situation and enjoy being able to have more than two adults vested in their future. More potential advisors on specific life challenges...and hey, more gifts on birthdays and holidays!

As a stepmother for over 12 years now, I can say through both personal experience and extensive reading that acceptance of stepparents by children of divorce is an intensely complex process, made easier or harder by the maturity of both the divorced parents and their own desire to have their children's best interests at heart. There are a number of potential dynamics and relationships in play: stepfather to stepdaughter(s)/stepson(s); stepmother to stepdaughter(s)/stepson(s); relationship between mother and father is cordial/fraught, and many others, but those are the primary relationships which will transition over time.

The evidence points overwhelmingly to the most difficult relationship being the stepmother to stepdaughter relationship when the mother/father relationship is fraught and the mother has not accepted the situation, so does not act in the best interest of the child but rather uses the intense emotional bond and strong communication between mother and daughter to not allow the stepdaughter to fully bond with the stepmother. I could find some references if anyone is interested. I'm not saying the other relationships aren't tricky, just saying this particular combo has been documented as being the most emotionally challenging to negotiate. The key is the mother granting her children permission to bond emotionally (or let's get simpler - not hate on her behalf) the new woman in dad's life. Stepdads rarely experience the same level of complexity in their new situations, for reasons also well documented.